Hi all as you know I gave birth to my longed for daughter on 8th July 2010. Tragically she was stillborn at 39+3 weeks having passed away at some point in the previous 24 hours. The months that have passed have been a very difficult time for my family and me, losing a baby is a life changing experince the effect of which is underestimated by anyone who has not been through it. Your life has continued, mine is in freeze frame.  I had a dream pregnancy all was well with the scans, check ups where fine so as we all do we thought it will all be fine, at no point did we ever think Jessie wouldn't make it. Sadly the evening before I gave birth I couldn't feel any movement so I called the hospital and went in to be checked out and scanned, not knowing at that stage if my baby was alive or not. At 7.55am the next day I gave birth to my perfect little girl weighing 7lbs7oz with a full head of brown hair.  She didn't breathe our air, open her beautiful little eyes nor make any sound; she was born into silence and yet it was deafening. She looked so peaceful - I felt so numb, there are no words to describe the pain.  

The days immediately after her birth just seemed to pass by and I found it so hard to talk about Jessie, but my family, Julie( the specailist midwife for pregnancy loss)  and SANDS have given me the support I need to be able to open up and talk about her with pride.  The days are still hard, grief is a long slow journey, but I take it day by day and Jessicas big Brother is keeping me going he really is my little rock!!

I now would like to turn my tragedy into something positive and raise money In Jessie's memory. I am donating the funds to Surrey Sands (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity) where it will be used towards the building of the Epsom Babies Memorial Garden. The is will be tranquil place for parents to go, whether recently or long ago bereaved, to sit, reflect and remember their baby. Included in the garden will be a memorial wall where parents can dedicate a plaque in memory of their baby. I can understand how important this is for those, like me, who have no final resting place to visit. Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page

Please check out "Jessie's Cheeky Monkeys" on Facebook I'm hand making sock monkeys and all money raised is going to Jessies just giving page.

Aaron fullbrook and his friend kindly did a sponsored bike ride from Croydon to Hastings on the 30th April to raise funds in Jessica's memory, and their donatation will be added to this page.  I thank you both for doing this amazing thing in memory of Jessie !!!!!

Love Dawn xxxxx floaty kisses to my baby girl Jessie xxxx Mummy and big brother Dylan miss you always and the love just gets stronger xxxxxxxxx

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