Right, so where to begin....

I'm having what's just been described as a Double, Extended tonsilectomy on Tuesday.
Scans, preceded by biopsies preceded by MONTHS of being bounced uselessly back and forth between multiple GP's and specialists seemingly uninterested. Fobbing me off with pointless antibiotics and painkillers which have done far more harm than good has finally led me to this situation.

*For those who don't know, I've already had N-H Lymphoma twice now including dozen of rounds of chemo and a stem cell transplant already*

Where my left tonsil used to be, roughly half still remains, bleeding, black and incredibly painful. When I finally saw someone who specialises in tonsil surgery and the lymphatic system today, he's jumped in to action and insisted on putting me at the VERY front of his queue for next week.
So serious that I'll be his first morning patient of the week.

He's told me, (which threw me a bit) that the extensive throat surgery IS the biopsy which he'll determine (more likely than not) that my lymphoma's back a 3rd time.

The whole situation is made significantly worse unfortunately due to being out of work from being too ill since January...

Having not had a proper diagnosis and having nearly been pushed under by the stress of the last 4 months I've been getting next to no benefits. Nothing for January whatsoever, February £119 (yes, total!) and I think I'm due to get £600-something next week to cover last month's overdue rent and this months rent already due.

If I have JUST the surgery I'm set to have around 4-6 weeks recovery and a month to get a new job. If I have surgery with follow up radio/chemo I can more or less kiss the rest of this year goodbye.

I've never ever felt so desperate in my life.
Getting through this a third time is going to be about as difficult as I can imagine, if the expected result comes back from the biopsy.
I've tried and tried to rebuild my life for 6 years, but I haven't got anything left now.