I have decided to start this fundrasing with absolutley no plan as to how i intend to help children who have been victims of sexual abuse. I was hoping that once i got the ball rolling,i would have others interested in the same course,and eventually have a big team of “Survivors”. I hope i dont get misunderstood here,i dont want this to be just about surviors and child victims but of way of education.

You see alot of people dont realise the extent of child abuse. For me personally and i can only speak for myself here,the actual abuse i indured wasnt the worst part heck i dont even remember it. But you see there. Thats the worst part. A sense of self lost.

I feel expecially passoniste about this being a survior of child sexual abuse myself.

Heres my brief story;

i was sexually abuse before the age of 5. When it comes to questions related to my sexual abuse i couldnt answer because i couldnt remember,weird right? So i know i was being sexually abuse by my teenage baby sitter. I never really remembered the extent of my abuse,but i remembered the feelings that came with it. You’d think i was lucky right? In a sense i was,alot of sexual abuse victims would spend the majority of their lives having flashback of that horrible event,these people have PTSD. I have C-PTSD,i dont remember my abuse,but i still get flash backs,they call it “emotional flashbacks” it usually leaves me feeling hazy,worthless,confused. The C stands for complex by the way. Lets be clear aswell not all victims of sexual abuse or trauma will develop C-PTSD or PTSD. I used to believe i was weak because i both me and my sister was abused but for some reason i was the only one who developed mental disorders. Which made me shy away from diagnosis. Till this day i have never been diagnosed. Okay? So how the F*** do you know you have it. Yes i know you should never diagnos yourself and dont worry thats not what i have done. I have various therapist tell me the same thing. But i have been unwilling to cooperate,reason being because im scared. How can i face my past????? A past i cant remember? I could need to allow myself to feel all that pain???? The pain my little 2-5 year old brain couldnt handle so she had shut it out!! Yes i was scared. I still am. I have been scared since i was 13,since the memories resurfaced and i realised it was me vs everyone else. Thats when the hate and anger floded in.....

I used to be ashamed to say i was a victim. Im not even going to lie,i still am. I wouldnt have the guts if i wasnt sat behind a screen.

Im hoping i can share more of my story and educate more people on this growing crisis. My story isnt done yet,and the parts i have chosen to share arent much and isnt nearly the full story

I lost my voice before the age of 5. And i am still searching desperatley for it. Being able to write this has proved although its hard,i do have a voice and my story is important. I hope one day i can share my full story has i feel it could really help some people. But for the now im just trying to get all the people whose voices where taken to stand up and speak together.

How do we help our local community?? How do we help our children???? How do we geg people to believe!!!

BELIEVE is one of the most important part of healing. If ANYONE has ever had the courage to confinde in you about their sexual abuse PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just believe them. Nothing is worst than the fear you feel to speak after being silence by an abuser then havinv the courage to speak out after so many days/months/years and then not being believed. You lose sense of everything!!! You thought the abuse was bad?? Now you dont even know whats real.

i wasnt believed.

It was the only thing that truely broke me. The abuse was nothing compared. NOTHING.