It is so trivial. So shame for me that i can even see your thoughts about it. Yes I can say - i'm idiot. Or maybe just naive? Or maybe I just wanted for my family something more. I'm not lazy however. Always working. Since i was 15. Many years in constructions. Just made few drastically wrong decisions. I raised my debt hugely. Have few bank loans and i think i just can;t make it. I'm scared. For 10 days my girlfriend will be on the operating table. Propably her health will not allow her to work after that. She has tumor on her heart (6 centimeters). We don't know if it is cancer or not. We will know it after operation. Also trying to catch some money for our wedding in October 2020. In such financial and health condition i don't think i can make it. I thought that maybe there in the world are people who can give us a little help. I don't know how this site runs. I can show all the bank papers all the account statements so everyone could trust me. Propably you will not give me anything as you think i'm just some looser. That's ok - it's fully understood. But God bless everyone who will try to help me or who just don't think wrong about me.

Sorry for my english.