This Is The Bravest Thing I Have Ever Done

My situation is more than complicated and everyday things get worse. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Type III , which comes with a huge number of complications, including joint hypermobility (joints bend backwards, dislocate and sublux), and connective tissue (muscle, ligaments, skin, etc) fragility and laxity.

Around ten years ago I had breast implants because hated my boobs and was very insecure about them. I thought having implants would help me feel more confident in myself, and it did for a while. At the time I had no idea I had EDS. A few years later I started having problems with my implants; they were flipping upside and my left implant struggled to stay round the right way, they were shifting internally, giving me a lot of pain, there are a number of cysts in my left breast and the skin and tissue surrounding the implants stretched more than it should because of the EDS. But at the beginning of 2011 I suffered a knee injury which became my main concern, diverting my attention.

1 knee operation led to 11 knee operations in the last 7 years, and that's on both of my knees.

During that time the other complications of my condition started appearing (it is a progressive disorder). I mainly have problems with both of my knees, hips, back, shoulders, elbows and fingers, and that’s not even half of it. I suffer from pain 24 hours a day, so days are worse than others, some joints can be better or worse than others, and on very bad days I struggle to move out of bed. I rely heavily on crutches, braces and bandages and specialist orthotic devices, and on occasions a wheelchair.

My condition has left me unable to work and earn an income; I have to live with my parents as I need help with things; I have almost no social life; and I feel incredibly self-conscious about myself to the point I have been single for 5 years as I find it very hard to even think about dating.

I have spent the last 7 years fighting the pain, lack of mobility, increased complications and everything else the EDS has brought with it. The condition has made me hate my body and despite me always smiling and being known as a fighter, it is one thing that destroys me inside.

About 2 years ago the problems with my breasts got much worse so I approached my GP to see if the NHS could help me. I put a case together and had medical photographs taken of my boobs. When I saw the pictures I was mortified, more than I already was. It's one thing seeing them from the angles that I can, but to see what others can see when I am braless or in a bikini made me feel physically sick. Thinking about it and talking about my breast upsets me a lot. The NHS have agreed to remove my implants because they deem them to be so bad, which is great, but they have NOT agreed to do the reconstruction work that I will need straight after, despite a breast specialist requesting funding.

To make matters worse my mother was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer in August 2017. She has gone from bad to worse and is very poorly. I am her primary carer as my father works away and the stress of everything has massively impacted my body, health, emotions and self-confidence. I have put all my own health appointments on hold and have been doing my best to ignore my problems so that I can do everything I can for my mum. My mum is my number 1 priority over everything, but unfortunately my problems don't just go away no matter how much I wish they would.

With the additional strain of my mum's situation, I am lost for what to do about my breasts. I cannot fix any of the other problems I have with my body because of the EDS, but my boobs are one thing that can be fixed, if only the funds were available. So much has gone wrong that it would be nice for something to be fixed, the very reason I have decided to put this on here.

I started to struggle with having to deal with so much and because I find it so hard to talk about things that affect me emotionally I started blogging in May 2017 so that I had a space where I could say what ever I wanted about anything I wanted and there wouldn't be anyone that knew me to judge. Putting this up has taken a lot of courage as it is not something I am open about.

The total amount of money that I need is more than the target I have put up, but it will go a heck of a long way when it comes to having to pay privately for what I need. Every little bit helps.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.