Hi all,
Whilst I’m not running a full marathon or anything so ambitious this year, the Midsummer Munro is apparently real hard work as there are lots of hills so seems worthy of sponsorship. It's actually nick-named 'The Hardest Half', so I'm expecting it will be a killer run (please re-read this sentence once you've read all the blurb, the 'killer run' metaphor may become amusing). One of the incentives for me to do this is the all-you-can-eat buffet I’m assured is at the end, the other is a bit more worthy.
The reason I’ve not sent this out to everyone I know is because the charity I’ve chosen is very personal and touches on a taboo subject, but it’s a charity that I would really like to help as it is very small but does a fantastic job.
You all know about the mistakes I made recently and what it did to me and Anna. A lot of you know I struggled to come to terms with it all but may not be aware of how seriously it affected me. I started to hurt myself, I guess as some kind of outlet for the guilt I felt, and also tried to end my life several times. Luckily I sucked at suicide and am still here to tell the tale. For most of last year I've been about as low as I hope I'll ever be and it's only thanks to the help of so many of you that I'm starting to properly take responsibility and carry on with my life in a positive way.
As well as the fantastic help I got from my friends I tried to get what professional aid there is out there and found it a very scary process. Some of the counselling made me feel worse and the doctors and psychiatrists were at times robotic and unhelpful. The best help I got by far was from a place called Maytree. They call themselves a respite centre and offer a one-off free stay of a week for anyone who is feeling suicidal and has lost hope for life. Only four guests stay at a time, you talk as much or as little as you want and see counsellors once a day. They seemed most qualified to help me and also the most concerned, anxious to get me back on track before I did something stupid. It's hard to describe what a wonderful oasis they provide, before I went there I couldn't imagine how it would help but as soon as I met the directors and volunteers it all made perfect sense. The idea of staying in a strange house with three other depressed guests and a rolling shift of volunteers seemed both scary and 'new-agey' but it was nothing like that. Instead it was a warm bubble where you got to meet generous people and others who had gone through the same kind of things I had. It didn't 'cure' me but gave me hope, confidence for the first time in a year and, not to get too cheesy, showed just how amazing people can be in helping others in a crisis.
I know this may be tough to read and don’t want to make any of you feel awkward that I’ve sent the link to you, but as well as raising money I'd also like to raise awareness about the Maytree and what they do. As I said suicide and self-harm can be a bit of a taboo subject among friends, but it's because of this that it's so hard to find help when you need it. I hope none of you ever have similar feelings but if you come across someone you know who does then maybe this will help them. If these issues were talked about more openly I feel people would know more about where to go to get help when needed.
Please don’t feel this is all too heavy or any obligation to sponsor me just because it’s so personal. If it helps to lighten the mood how about this for a joke: For my 31st birthday a friend gave me a card with a joke about "That's where babies come from" on the front and inside wrote that "It's all downhill from here". A bit of an insensitive card to give your mate who was suicidal after having an affair, but he claims it was all co-incidence. Any donations you can give will be a wonderful help but for me this is about spreading the word as well as asking for financial support.
Thank you all so much for the love and support you've given me in the last year, and in the words of the Beatles:
"I am the eggman, I am the walrus." ..................... or more relevantly: "I get by with a little help from my friends"
x
