For a few weeks, I was feeling exhausted, bloated, sickly and my breasts were becoming sore. I didn’t believe I was pregnant, but on 03/06/2011 at 8:00am, I took a home pregnancy test before I set off for work. To my disbelief, the test was positive. I was going to be a mummy! I felt overwhelmed, I cried with happiness and phoned my fiancé immediately while he was at work. I was hyperventilating I was so excited. We were both overjoyed and were already starting to plan for our future. I was 5 weeks pregnant.

We told our parents later that day and they were so excited they started making plans of their own, jokingly making baby sitting rota’s and dad was intent on calling the baby Steven if a boy and Stevie if a girl (after him). Shaun and I even had low level bickering over baby names. I loved every second of my pregnancy experience, even morning, noon and night sickness. I enjoyed watching my tummy grow and loved talking to my bump, which we nick named Mr Trump. In the following weeks I religiously filled in my ‘belly book,’ this was my pregnancy diary which I recorded my weekly feelings, baby’s growth, belly measurements, weight and the like. Me and my mum made shopping trips for baby clothes and dad took me window shopping for prams. I felt like the most luckiest girl in the world. 

Then on Tuesday 25/07/2011 at 1:00am, I started to get intense cramp like pain in my lower abdomen and I noticed bleeding. We went to A&E that instant, who advised me to take 2 paracetemol and rest. They booked me an appointment for a scan at the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit (EPAU) for 26/07/2011. This was the day our world came crashing down around us. I lay on the bed while the sonographer located the baby. The silence was long and deafening, my partner held my hand while she said nothing, gazing into the screen. Then she turned to me and said, “I’m very sorry Victoria, the baby has no heartbeat”. I was 13 weeks pregnant, but my baby had not made it past 10 weeks, this was when the term ‘missed miscarriage’ entered our vocabulary. Devastation hit everyone hard and I was blown away by grief.

That day I was sent home to discuss my options but thankfully Baby Bell was born naturally, on 26/07/2011 at 16:55. My precious sleeping angel, perfect in every way. Baby Bell was blessed that night by Chaplain and I was given a keepsake box, courtesy of Louis. This box put me in touch with the only support I’ve received to date, a charity for bereaved parents 4louis.

4louis have inspired me and my partner to set up our own charity 4babybell to continue their good work and try to improve the bereavement service in the NHS. Miscarriage is a taboo subject that no one seems to talk about but unfortunately it is an all too common event as 1 in 5 pregnancy’s end this way. 4babybell aspires to bring comfort to angels’ parents by providing memory boxes to hospitals across the North East to help them capture as many memories as they can.