Weʼre raising £800 to Help pay for a funeral & service for our baby girl
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Everyone that goes for their 12week baby scan never wants to hear the words ”im not happy with that im seeing with the baby” which is what we heard. From that moment we were moved into a quiet room and told that out baby had too much fluid round the brain, neck and tummy. Going home with the feeling of unknown not knowing what was really happening or going on, i began googling! Worse idea!!!
Things moved along quicker after that first scan, i was sent to liverpool womens hospital the next week to have a CVS test to see exactly what was causing all the fluid round our baby.... results came back in 3 days.... our baby has Edwards Syndrome. Devastated with the outcome and not ever hearing of this syndrome before, i took to google again!
I went back to my local hospital to ask more questions, ”what now?” ”will the baby survive?” ”what do i do?” I was told most babies with this condition dont usually make it this far! Baby had a 3% chance of making it to full term and 1% chance of surviving birth. We were given the option to terminate the pregnancy which was somethimg i couldnt bring myself to do, i had the thought that “what if my baby was strong enough to survive? We have got this far?” So we decided what we would carry on the pregnancy and if our baby wasnt able to survive it wasnt me that took that option away. We wanted nature to do whatever was intended for our baby.
We found out we were having a baby girl!!! We wanted to name her because if anything happened we wanted our baby girl to at least have a name.
I had scans every other week from 13weeks, to check that there was still a heartbeat. At 17weeks we had our anatomy scan, the consultant looked through her whole body to make sure everything was growing right and to our disappointment it wasnt. She had a hole in her heart, the fluid round her brain was building up, and they had trouble seeing some of her organs. And she was alot smaller than a baby at this stage should be. Things kept getting worse, and again we were reminded about the option to terminate.
3 weeks later a scan showed a positive heartbeat. 4 weeks later, i was due another scan with a consultant to check over the whole body again. That morning i got up, i felt different, my small baby bump looked flatter than normal and i was convinced that there was going to be no heartbeat. That afternoon the scan showed no heartbeat, i had a gut feeling all day and i was right.
I am now preparing myself to go into hospital next week and have my baby, knowing full well ill only see her for a few hours, and ill only be able to take away from the hospital is memories.
Although i knew this outcome was the most likely situation, i never really expected it and nothing can prepare you for it.
I know have to think about sorting out a little funeral for our baby girl, a place to lay her to rest and somewhere i can go and sit and spend time with my first born baby. I should still be growing you excited for your due date in September, yet here i am thinking about having to lay you to rest.
Fly high baby girl, Mummy & Daddy love you like you wouldnt believe. Our Angel Baby Girl, Bella Rose 💕🌷
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