I have a 12 year old boy and a 10 year old girl. 11 years ago I lost my children due to domestic violence.My children went to live with my aunt. I thought great, she will help me get better and help me see my kids more. WAS I WRONG!!!!

My daughters dad wasn't the nicest of guys. I managed to get away from him. I spent the next god knows how many years getting help for the domestic violence. I did parenting courses, domestic violence courses and counseling. I never gave up fighting for my kids. I had other obstacles that i had to overcome as well. I married a man that i saw me spending the rest of my life with. That ended up being the worse part of my life. worse then the domestic violence. I was raped. I knew i had to over come what had happened to me for my kids, and i did that. I went to RapeCrisis and i got the help i needed. i had a support worker who helped me with anything i needed help with and i had a counsellor who helped me get through what had happened. ive been fighting her ever since to get a relationship with my children and she just wont let it happen. I would never unsettle my kids by fighting in court to have them home unless that is what they want. I just want more time with them, every other weekend, over nights, holidays. even just my 1st mothers day with them, as ive never had a mother day since they left. My aunt had had my son since he was 21 months old and she had my daughter from 1 week old. I have been fighting so hard to see my children. My aunt has thrown all sorts at me. I dont have a bond with my daughter, i dont spend enough time with them. I drink, im on drugs. ill emotionally hurt them, im never going to change. im this, im that. proved all wrong with drugs tests, cafcass and solicitors. But this isnt enough for my aunt.

Im meant to get monthly visits with my kids to start with and then work our way to more time together. Last month I had a visit with both kids at my home. i was so excited. Got all the stuff my daughter asked for. THEN MY DAUGHTER NEVER SHOWED UP!!! just my son did. Dont get me wrong, we had a lovely time, but i missed my daughter so much. all i got told was that she didnt want to. i wasnt even allowed to speak to her. I messaged her on the yesterday (15th march) to say when can i see the kids, when are they free. My aunts reply is ''theres not going to be a visit this month'' She has now decided i cant see my children. no reason, just that i wont be seeing them this month.

I NEED YOUR HELP. i am struggling to take her back to court, i need to get an enforcement order done but also need a solicitor which i cant afford. I cant give up on my kids. Its killing me barely seeing them as it is, now i dont know when im seeing them next. Could anyone please help, anything helps right now with me fighting for my children. I thank you in advance.