The Past

Childhood mainly consisted of hospital visits and stays for Ryan at Great Ormond Street Hospital, followed by the constraints of a wheelchair where he was paralysed. When he was growing up, my Son lost any hope of living a 'normal' life, becoming a full-time carer for me due to my own mental health problems and on-going treatment.

During his adulthood, Ryan was hit with the crippling medical condition Sleep Apnea, which has stolen his life for the past 10 years. When people refer to life threatening illnesses, we commonly think of cancer, kidney failure, and heart attacks. What many people don't realise is Ryan stops breathing 80 times during a 1 hour period - the average person with Sleep Apnea stops breathing 30 times. That's almost 3 times the amount. I want to let you into just a glimpse of what life is like now...

The Present

Ryan can't use the machines generally prescribed for Sleep Apnea as they cause him to haemorrhage. When he does manage to drift off briefly over a 24 hour period, he often wakes up in his own vomit where he's blacked out and lost his vision due to the lack of oxygen to his brain. That's a frightening concept for anyone involved - no one wants to find their Son (or Daughter) laying in a pool of their own sick wondering whether they've choked to death or not.

During the day Ryan has narcolepsy due to the lack of sleep he gets. It's a risk, because he can't be alone; he can't live a normal life, can't drive a car, can't have a relationship, and has no concept of what day it is. If you didn't know about his illness, you'd think Ryan had died in his sleep. When he was in hospital, people thought he was dead as he stopped breathing for so long during periods of 'sleep'. What really hit the nail in the coffin though was when a nurse told Ryan that her husband died of Sleep Apnea because "he was a big man".

The words "he was a big man" kept ringing in the back of my Son's mind; he wanted an escape and openly admitted he no longer wanted to live due to how the Sleep Apnea was affecting him. Ryan, although he had health issues in his childhood, put every ounce of effort into his career and his personal life. He would spend every day playing tennis, and was surprisingly fit as a fiddle given what he had gone through at Great Ormond Street.

Depression sunk in as far as it could go for Ryan, he felt so trapped that he wanted to end it all. He remembered the Nurse's words and turned to food and started 'comfort' eating in order to end his life, which has now developed into acute bulimia, putting himself at risk of a heart attack or a stroke. Unfortunately no eating disorder is as easy as "stop eating as much", or "eat more", it's a constant battle and a daily struggle.

The Future

Ryan now fears nodding off for a split second because he's scared he won't wake up. He asked me last night "is it okay to feel like I want to die, but want to live at the same time?" - he wants a normal life, but the fear of never waking up versus wanting to give up is a constant battle. His body physically cannot recover because he is too scared to get a few minutes of sleep each night. I cannot hear my Son tell me that he won't be alive much longer, no Mother should have to hear that.

Unfortunately the NHS cannot help Ryan; he's been to many sleep clinics, been monitored, tracked, and analysed, and has been confirmed as being in the one percentile of Sleep Apnea sufferers in the world who stop breathing as often as him.

Ryan has been given the opportunity to check into an eating disorder clinic in Devon who will provide the treatment he needs to change his life, and ease the suffering he's going through every single day. In turn, treating his severe eating disorder will allow my Son to gain a slice of his life back. The clinic not only will treat Ryan's eating disorder, they also provide treatment for how he can learn to deal with his fears regarding his Sleep Apnea, as well as his overall mindset.

If he can lose enough weight, Ryan will be more likely to be given the chance of life changing surgery for his Sleep Apnea.

The treatment costs £15,000 - understandably, it's a lot of money, which is why we're crowdfunding in order to raise awareness, as well as encouraging people to fund raise. If you can donate anything at all, or are able to put together a fundraising event, my family and I would be eternally grateful.