hi, my name is hannah (depending where you’re coming from, you probably know that already).

i’m 16, and recently, i lost my dad, suddenly, to suicide.

he suffered with his mental health, from what we’ve discerned it was undiagnosed bipolar disorder, for 35 years, and not once did he receive any proper support for it. 

he always said that he had too much to live for, he would never do anything like that.

but i came home on thursday november nineteenth and he was gone.

and we’re left with a multitude of unanswered questions, all we know from the note he left us is that it was depression, and the persistency, never ending low episodes that took him from us.

and that’s why i’m starting this just giving page. this is not for me, but for every single person out there suffering with mental health. there is NOT sufficient support. if there was, my dad wouldn’t have struggled alone for 35 years. 

i’ve had my fair share of mental health struggles myself- if you’re coming from @hannahishealing then you know- and i know how absolutely overwhelming they can be. i’ve always pulled myself back from the brink, i’ve been supported. but i was lucky, and i will never understand why i worked through two years of eating disorder treatment with full support while my dad’s mind became worse and worse, and he never let on.

you don’t deserve to suffer in silence. you don’t deserve any of your family to suffer in silence. thinking of the darkness in his mind at the end breaks my heart, i don’t want anyone to feel that way ever. and i don’t want anyone to be left empty handed, bereaved by the effects of mental health.

mental health conditions are invisible to the world. my mum and i and our close family knew about my dad’s struggles, but everyone else who knew him had no idea. he was a cheerful, bubbly, kind soul who saved so many lives because he saw that they had the potential to get back on the right track. he brightened people’s day’s. we’ve had hundreds of messages and cards and tributes to him, about how they just couldn’t believe it. because someone can walk into the room with a storm in their mind and you would have no idea with the smile on their face. and just because you can’t tell what is going on inside doesn’t mean that they aren’t deserving of help. mental health support should be readily available to every single person on earth, at the drop of a hat. just as a doctor checks up on your physical health every few months, the same should be done for mental health. people struggle to reach out themselves, i know i do, so being approached is often necessary. 

even those that ask for help are not treated how they need to be. in 35 years, my dad had four months of antidepressants, not well observed, and two CBT sessions over the phone. he cried for help multiple times, he never got what he needed. mental health is not taboo, it’s fatal. and maybe you think: that will never be me, my parent, my friend, but it could be. we are a world that needs to come together and fight for the services we need. you shouldn’t feel alone, deserted in your mental health. you should feel like there’s someone, there’s a place for you.

and that needs to come before you get to the point where you can’t even cry for help.

when did people get so low, so hating of their lives that they had to end it themselves because nothing would be less painful than living. it’s the most heartbreaking, shocking, painful fact that needs to change because no one should ever feel like this.

so i’m setting up this JustGiving page, for now. more will come, sponsored events, further awareness spreading, but while that gets sorted, i can’t sit back and do nothing. i can’t wallow in my grief and give up. i have to fight, because my lovely, selfless father would have wanted good to come from this.

all money donated will go to mental health charities and services, to save lives. my dad saved lives, and we will save more for him. if the government won’t fund it, we will. if you can donate just £5, please. this is for a future where no one wants nothing, because there is always something. 

and if you are in pain right now, i want you to know how loved you are. even if you feel like you aren’t, i promise you are. i want you to know that it will get better. it will get better. there is always something to live for.

please share, i don’t care if you have no clue who i am. this isn’t about me. this is about the future and the 2 billion of us (at least) who feel pain in their minds.

share. sign. donate. save 🦋

thank you.