As many of you know if you read on twitter, i have not since lost my granddad to pancreatic cancer. I'm streaming today in hope those who are going through the same situation get the support they need and for one day that no one to go through the same thing.

*warning of long story with honesty & emotions*

I struggle to say to speak about everything without feeling upset but here goes. When my granddad was diagnosed with cancer, my mum was the one to break it to me, coming home from uni she told me in the car and even in that moment, a dark cloud of doubt came across of how unfair it all was. My granddad had been feeling unwell with pain in his stomach as he described it, but he was still energetic, still smiling and still going about things, such as his determination to finish the flooring in the house. However slowly we saw it, we saw how he was slowing down, saw how the pain was causing him to feel discomfort in that he'd stay in bed all day or he couldn't eat.

My granddad spent Christmas in the hospital. the first Christmas without him. We visited him and gave him gifts, but he was again in pain so we left to try sleep. Christmas felt lonely as the family did not feel complete. After some time he was allowed to be cared for from home, which my mum and grandma did, my mum having chose to take time off work. We were given so much support from the hospital and MacMillan. 

Friday 10th February. I visited him. This was the last time i got to see my granddad in pain. He needed aid to breath, his eyes gaunt. He had become a frail old man, not the man i knew who built greenhouses, drove me to school, taught me to garden and even built a wooden clock to help me learn to tell the time when i was young. I stayed for 2 hours looking at him but knowing i had to leave for work. The next morning, my granddad had passed away. We comforted each other knowing he was no longer in pain but we felt the pain instead. We were grateful for everything MacMillan had done to support my granddad and our family. Without them, it would have been a much bumpier road.

I know this is long winded and I'm sorry but I don't think i'd ever be able to speak this words without tears. I say thank you for reading this and i hope you understand why this is so important to me. I'm streaming for this cause as i hope one day, no one ever goes through what my granddad did, or my family. The services around him and the support my family received were what allowed him to be able to be around family till the very end.

Thank you again for reading.