Our family lost our Mum on 13-11-2016 and I will be taking on my challenge in memory of her.  I want to raise awareness of Mental Health and I have chosen a special charity Mikeysline.

October is always a struggle, a month that I really struggle with.  As soon as we get into October lots of different memories are re-lived.  With Christmas just around the corner, you’re meant to be with your family and celebrating, but there’s always one thing missing, and that’s my Mum.  

I’ve been lucky to find a love for the gym which has been a big help with my personal mental health.  For me it isn’t just a place where I go to train, it’s so much more than this. It’s the place I go, put my headphones in and release lots of different emotions.  Going to the gym and training can be tough, workouts can be tough, but I know that it ends and isn’t going to be an ongoing discomfort/pain.

The last three years of my Mum’s life, she was full of happiness, strength and love for everyone.  Seeing and being there, watching what my Mum went through, watching her suffer, the pain, the days when she barely had any strength but still found it in her to keep going, keep going for us; I know what my Mum went through is the definition of pain.  Having this set into my head, wired into my head, this is what keeps me going and helps get me through the sadness and the anger.

Come October, my mood drops, things become a struggle and as mentioned previously, memories come back.  Almost like I re-live my Mum’s illness.  I need something to focus on, I need a challenge.  I want to take on this challenge in memory of my Mum, and to help make people going through similar feelings, similar emotions know that it’s okay not to be okay.  

Mental health affects so many people, the most happiest people you see struggle, the people that you think are the strongest people, they cry.  They have days where they feel like giving up, but they don’t.  And that’s what matters is that you just don’t give up.  Personally, I suffered with an eating disorder for 10+ years of my life.  To me, my eating disorder stole a big part of my life, it was in control of me and I wasn’t in control of anything.  It affected my relationship with my family, my Mum, my Dad, friends, everything, day in, day out. I am so lucky in that I came out the other end, and I am who I am now.  I haven’t let it ruin me, it could have ruined me.  My eating disorder is something that I hid, I didn’t ever speak about until recently.  I was ashamed, I was embarrassed, afraid, angry.  A lot of the time I didn’t understand what was going on, and I don’t know what it was, but something clicked inside my head and made me realise there’s nothing to be ashamed about, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it is what it is, it happened. Something that has helped me a lot is accepting it, accepting who I am, realising that it’s okay, and I was able to move on by talking about it.  

If you let issues build up inside you, if you go over and over things in your head, that’s okay, but it’s not okay to go on like this and to be alone.  Things just get darker and darker.  Take the step in accepting it, accepting that it’s okay, and work towards moving forward and talking about it; whether it’s to a friend, family, a councillor.  

I’ll be doing this for my Mum, I’ll think of her every pedal that I take,  when it gets hard I’ll think of her and I’ll have her in my head.  

I’ve set up this just giving page of anyone would like to donate.  Anything at all is greatly appreciated.  Please don’t feel you have to, there’s always lots going on around this time of year and with Christmas coming up.  Just do one thing, be kind to one another, support one another and be kind to YOU, because you matter ❤️

At Mikeysline, our ultimate aim is suicide prevention. We were established in 2015 following the suicides of two close friends within days of each other, Mikey Williamson and Martin Shaw, both aged 23. Our textline service was set up to provide an anonymous, safe, confidential way to access peer support, a listening ear from someone who understands what that person may be feeling, having their own lived experience of mental health issues. We also operate a drop in centre, The Hive, on Academy Street in Inverness.