The mother of my child and I split before my son was born.  Although my son was born in Italy, I was there when he was born five and a half years ago.  

Wanting to be in control, my sons mums tricked me and didn't put my name on his birth certificate (Everything was in Italian).  When I realised what was happening, she said that if I challenged it, she would stop me seeing him. 

I believed that in time, she would do the right thing and so I ignored it and focused on being a good father.

After 8 months of travelling to Italy every other week, my child's mother fell out with her family and wanted to come to England.  I welcomed her, set her up in a flat and shared child care.  

Unfortunately my son's mum used my need to be a good father, to control me, she would cancel visits at the last minute, scream me for being 1 minute late and regularly threatened to never let me see him again....

I would grit my teeth, ignore it and focus on what was important, my beautiful little boy.  Life was really hard, but I loved my time with my son and so tried to ignore it.  

After 2 years of this, I wanted to try and move my life forwards and formed a new relationship with a great woman.  My ex found out, the next thing I saw was a photo of her and my son on a plane, saying we have left England and was going to Tenerife. 

I had no news for 6 months, but then she contacted me and told me where they were.  I started going out to Tenerife regularly.  

Although I has access to my son, I had to travel 2500miles to see him, I would sometimes get there and be turned away and she would always make life as difficult as possible with ridiculous demands which I had to meet, if I wanted to see my son

2 years ago, having been emotionally  blackmailed for 3 and half years, I broke.  Due to the situation, I was constantly anxious and although I didn't realise it was very depressed.  Everyday was a struggle, I felt fatigue from the second I woke up until I went to bed.  Socially I did nothing, work started to become really hard and I started to question "what was the point?"  

The only thing other than work in my life was my son, I loved him more than anything.  In hindsight however, I had completely ignored my own health and wellbeing and I was at a breaking point.

My best friend took his own life 10 years ago and although I wasn't contemplating suicide, I knew that I was on a slippery path which was heading in that direction.

The world seemed like it was spinning too fast, whatever I did, I could not satisfy my child's mother, everything I did was wrong and she would use any opportunity to use my son to hurt me.

I knew I had to do something to take control of the situation and so I did.  

I quit my 20 year career, I sold my house and I finished my happy relationship.  These were all things that before, I couldn't see myself without, but I just wanted to get off the world.  

If I had nothing else to think about, maybe I could get healthy and feel good again.

I spent 12 months doing nothing other than visiting my son and trying to get on top of my health, I felt alot better, the anxiety eased and I started to enjoy life again.....

On September 10th 2019, my son said to his mum "I want to live with Daddy".  I don't even thing he meant it, but she got angry and stopped me seeing him there and then.....

I spent 2 months asking his mum if I could see them and the only repose I got was "take me to court".......

I went to see a lawyer, I asked them how long it would take to sort out.  They said 6-9 months, this seemed like an unimaginable time to be without my son, but I was convinced I needed to do it.

I should have been in court in March of last year, due to covid restrictions it has now been cancelled 3 times.  It has now been rearranged for September.  By the time we get to court, it will be 2 years since I saw my son and so our total time apart will likely be 2.5 years!!  

I have been a full 12 months without feeling depressed or anxious.  I have transformed the way I think and created a healthy life style to support it.  I still have the pain of being separated from my son, but I have found inner peace.

Staying positive with the courtcase so far away isn't easy and so I have decided to keep myself focused and fit by doing this event.

I have suffered awful depression and anxiety resultant of this situation.  Unless you have felt it, you couldn't possibly understand how debilitating it is.  I truly hate thinking that others feel the way I did and so I am passionate about helping others with mental health issues.  Change do some amazing memtal health support work and so I have chosen for them to be the beneficiary of my fund raising.

It also helps me turn my negative situation into a positive...... 

I'd really appreciate any donations to this great charity.