The third prisoner to join our motley crew of
hospice hooligans is none other than the Member of Parliament for Eastbourne and Willingdon: Stephen Lloyd!

Over the course of his time as MP, Stephen has become well-known for his tireless campaigning on important local issues. His efforts have not gone unnoticed, with the Guardian commenting that Lloyd’s ‘toil has
yielded high levels of recognition and support, some of it close to admiration’ in 2014.

Stephen is equally famous in the Eastbourne area for his devotion to its charities, businesses, public buildings, and green space; the list really is endless. Whether there’s a litter pick, a memorial that needs opening, a fun run - or, daresay, a St Wilfrid’s event(!) - any sensible person would bet on Stephen’s attendance.

Although rumours have been circling for several years as to exactly how Lloyd managed to find the time to be seemingly everywhere in Eastbourne - all the while attending to his Parliamentary duties - the sinister details of how he juggled this superhuman schedule are beginning to emerge.

In September of last year, cloning equipment was discovered by local police at the site of the MP’s Seaside Road office. It transpired that Lloyd had been using the equipment to create doppelgangers that would attend events on his behalf for more than five years.

When interviewed by police, Lloyd said: ‘It all began in 2013. I was asked to attend a coffee morning for Macmillan which was at the same time as an important vote in the Commons. I didn’t want to let anyone down, so that’s when cloning was raised as a potential solution…’

Although the use of cloning technology is not actually illegal in the UK - bar Northern Ireland - Lloyd’s operation of the technology from his Seaside Road office constitutes a misuse of the premises under an obscure - and until now, wholly irrelevant - law, passed in the 1970s.

Lloyd is currently awaiting trial, for which a date of the 29^th of March has been confirmed. Although we cannot confirm whether the original Stephen Lloyd - or one of his copies - will be locked up the Redoubt’s prison cells on this date....