Our story is a sad story but its ours so here it goes....

In July 2023 we found out we were expecting, It happened very quickly but we were over the moon but also consumed with fear because we hadn't been too lucky in the most recent years.

Because of this and the pains i'd been having we were given early scans to monitor our baby... Initially we were told everything was fine and our baby had a good healthy heartbeat.

Time went by and the pains were getting worse and the more scans that we had the more the doctors could see something wasn't quite right and they told us that our baby wasn't growing as much as they'd hoped and was still very much on the small side. We were able to see for ourselves just how strong our babies tiny heart was beating on the screen so we just kept clinging onto that and lived in hope.

At this point the doctors said that they would like me to go for a Amniocentesis. Waiting for those results felt like an eternity and in the meantime both me and my husband fell into a dreadful pattern of burying our heads in the sand, I threw myself into work but if i'm honest this wasn't the best idea because my head wasn't in the right place. Both me and my husband drifted apart, I began pushing people away and generally just not being myself.

The results finally came back and we were sat down and told that our little GIRL was very sick and had Pataus syndrome otherwise known as Trisomy 13.

Our lives fell apart in this moment, Having something confirmed is wrong with your baby is soul destroying but to never of even heard of the illness made it even harder. We were told that it wasn't likely that our baby girl would make it to 1 year old if we managed to bring her into the world at all so we'd been left with an unimaginable decision to make...How could we make those decisions?!... This little girl was everything we ever wanted.

None of our family or friends had heard of it either so naturally everyone started hitting the internet for details.

At this point I went into a self destruct mode and I had started to feel ill daily.

We both made the heartbreaking decision to let them take our precious little girl away from us as selfish as we were to come to this decision neither of us could bare to watch our daughter deteriorate then pass away.. This wouldn't be fair on anyone involved.

A few days later we were sent for a sizing scan but shortly after the scan got underway the doctor called for another doctor who took a look and said those horrific words... " I'm very sorry, There is no heartbeat"

Our little girl had passed away.

In that split second our hearts broke again if that was even possible. With my surgery only being a day away they sent us home and asked us to return as planned.

Instead of doing the right thing and go home together my husband went home and I attempted to go into work. I remember getting half way there and having to pull over to let out quite a lot of emotions. When I got into the office I wasn't really concentrating so eventually left and went home.

The day of surgery came and I continued the "Hard as nails" act I tried so very hard to "be ok" for everyone else but I didn't realise just how much I was affected by everything because I didn't let myself.

The coming months after this I very nearly destroyed relationships in the process of self destruction. I couldn't handle or process anything anymore and I felt the need for help but I was too stubborn to admit this, I found everything all of a sudden very challenging. I began to feel like a failure to my family like somehow this happening to us was my fault. In a matter of months id gone from being myself to being a person I didn't understand nor like.

Our family were a godsend even though they were hurting too they stayed strong for us as a family. All rallied round as soon as I came home to take care of me and make sure we were both ok. Our family are simply the best, Always pull together when its needed.

I also had 1 very loyal and caring friend who came stumbling into my life unexpectedly who wanted nothing but the best for me even to this day still continues to keep stepping up to help me and keep me afloat. Shes a rock I refer to her as my guardian angel. She always sees through my act but I still couldn't let her in. I didn't want anyone to see me at my lowest or as anyone other than who I was... I didn't want to seem weak.

This period in our lives was life changing and extremely difficult and I personally struggled to deal with it because you start to isolate and blame yourself. I pushed people away and kept them at arms length because I was ashamed for them to see how low id become but at the same time they were the people that I needed so desperately.

NOTHING will ever remove this ache/hollowness we still feel every single day, However my focus now is to make sure other families know about this charity for if they need someone to turn to for a shoulder to cry on or advice... anything.

The following reasons are why I want to do as many events as I can for this charity;

1.) I want to raise awareness and money for a charity that are there for families who have gone or who are going through what we have. Because if we had known about this charity maybe things would have been easier for us.

2.) I want to do this in memory of Charlotte Emma Hall... Our precious little angel.

3.) I want to do something to repay back all of the goodness we received during our bad time.

THE PLAN IS TO DO A MINIMUM OF 1 ACTIVITY PER MONTH & THIS WILL CONTINUE WAY INTO THE NEW YEAR. THESE WILL BE UPDATED AFTER EACH EVENT HAS TAKEN PLACE.

PICTURES WILL BE POSTED ALONG THE WAY.

IN MEMORY OF;

Charlotte Emma Hall

24/11/2023

A very much missed and loved little angel who will forever be in our hearts.

🩷