Phil and Ian's Fundraising Page
Phil Smith is raising money for Acorns Triple Run
Story
Thanks for visiting Phil and Ian's RUNNING ON FUMES fundraising page. Read our running reports as they occur which we hope will inspire you to sponsor us.
BRISTOL HALF MARATHON September 14 2008 Finishers : 9,677
And so this weekend Ian and I finally completed the last stage of our season’s Acorns charity campaign. As an experience it has been not so much a ‘journey’ as a series of short trips......with a couple of stops to be sick out of the window.
As a finale, the Bristol Half Marathon could hardly have been bettered. The announcer’s boast that this was the second largest half marathon in the country (“15,000 entrants and we’re hoping for 20,000 next year folks!”) seemed quite plausible. However, the reality didn't match the hype as the finishing figures will show.
The runners (and riders) set off in two waves : wheelchairs and elite athletes first. Thirty minutes later the massed ranks followed. Runners were colour-coded according to their expected finish times: Whites were club athletes; Blues, the fast amateurs; Greens, the young and healthy.
I, meanwhile, took my place at the front of the ‘Pink’ section alongside Scooby-Doo, Fred Flintstone and a team of butch-looking broads holding balloons from Breast Cancer Relief.
With former Olympian and ‘Guest of the Day’ Kip Keino beaming down from an open-topped double-decker bus at the start line, the hooter set in motion the 20th Bristol Half Marathon.
Ian (under 2 hours) and myself (2 and a quarter) had both set targets which, given the weather forecast, looked very do-able. However, when ‘warm and sunny’ turned into ‘hot and stifling’ it became more a race of attrition than a race against the clock.
Running sub 9-minute miles, Ian was first to feel the effects of a fast early pace and by mile 10 had slowed to a jog. My race plan, on the other hand, began to unravel the moment Superman and his running colleague, Tinkerbell, breezed past, deep in conversation.
The last 3 miles couldn’t have been more deviously devised by a maze maker. Designed to give spectators maximum viewing opportunity, the final stages weaved back and forth through the city centre, up and down the same streets, and around now familiar landmarks. Dead on my feet, the end was a blessing.
With medals round necks and energy replenishment goody bags in hand, it was a long slow painful walk back to the car park. Moreso for Ian who threw up his half-digested brown/purple mix of Boost bar and Lucozade Tropical over the rear of a Citroen Saxo. I told him it would spoil his tea.
Ian 2 hrs 09:19 mins (6,588th) Phil 2 hrs 22:09 mins (8,081st)
GADE VALLEY HARRIERS HANDICAP July 31 2008 Runners and Riders 30
Closer to home this week with the Gade Valley Harriers club hosting a 4-mile handicap race around the canal system of Hemel.
Unfamiliar with the vagaries of handicapping, I had assumed, wrongly, that as in horse racing, varying weights would be attached to the body according to the fitness level of the runner. Already carrying a few extra pounds myself, I calculated I'd be used as the base mark and invited to run naked down a stretch of the Grand Union Canal.
The solution was much less scientific. Runners were released at the start depending on how fast they thought they could complete the course. The slower ones went off first, the fastest, up to 10 minutes later. The idea being that hypothetically all runners should run across the finish line together, a ridiculous concept if ever there was one.
Fortunately for the organisers the spectre of 30 athletes charging as one towards the finish tape was never going to happen, not least because of human nature's inclination to cheat. Runners who ordinarily might record a sub-2 hour Half Marathon time, calculated that 4 miles on a flat innocuous circuit was now going to take them more than 40 minutes.
And so it was, early runners were never seen (never mind caught) and the race was won by a first-off 'rabbit' who in reality could have given Desert Orchid 15 minutes head-start and still cantered home first.
As for Ian and myself, Ian, conceding 6 minutes, overhauled me 400 metres from the finish in a time of 32 minutes. I can only think he cheated !
WADDESDON 5k July 16 2008 Finishers : 225
With the 'pressure' of the Grand Prix series now off, Ian and I were free to pick and choose our race meetings for the remainder of the season. The Waddesdon 5k was one not to miss.
Set in the grounds of Waddesdon Manor, country home of the Rothschild dynasty, the course is breathtaking. You can understand why the youngest Rothschilds never got to play with the other lads in the village - the house is more than a mile from the front gate. And what a house ! You won't find one of these in the Wimpey brochure's 'Coniston' collection.
A sumptious Renaissance-style chateau set in vast grounds (called Buckinghamshire), it was Baron Ferdinand's out-of-town retreat, used only for the extravagant weekend parties he threw. Well, very nice of him to invite Ian and myself and 200 others to look round his pad on a pleasant summer's evening.
After following the East Midlands Grand Prix circus around all season it came as a surprise to find no recognisable faces in the starting line-up. Even the club vests were different : Vale of Aylesbury AC, Chiltern Harriers, Stropsley Striders (!!). This was all outside our comfort zone.
To some, 5 kilometres is a stroll down the shops and back. For others, it's a frantic sprint kept going for half an hour. Ian, injury-free, was up for it. I wasn't. Still whingeing on about a sore hip, I popped a Nurofen (risking at worst a 2-year ban from the IAAF) and braced myself for some pain.
And then we were off. Through the Rose Garden, along the Parterre, past the statue of Apollo and back down the drive they jokingly call The Walk. Cake-walk it wasn't. Ian lost me after two minutes.
The course swings through stands of ancient beech and oak, and out across open parkland to the half-way mark where it turns round and comes back on itself. Before I'd reached that point however, barely a mile into the race, I had the unsettling sight of the race leaders coming past me the other way. Simple mathematical deduction had them fully showered, in their cars and on their way home by the time I finished.
Ian not long followed. And looking surprisingly fresh (not in a sexual way).
We finished back up The Walk (now aptly named), round the side of the house, over the patio, past the brick barbecue and out across the front lawn, Ian a good 4 minutes ahead of me.
On reflection, it was a really enjoyable bash. Grand surroundings. Fabulous gardens. Shame about some of the guests. But, on the whole, we look forward to this event next year.
That's if Baron Ferd invites us, of course.
Ian 24:57 mins (138th) Phil 28:57 mins (180th)
EAST MIDS GRAND PRIX Final Standings
Final StandingsOn completion of the 8 races (or 7 in Ian's case) the best five finishes were taken for each runner and then totalled.
Ian finished 18th (out of 20) in his Male 45+ age group.
Phil finished 19th (out of 19) in the Male 50+ group.
I'll be looking forward to moving up an age group next year though I suspect the result will be just the same.
MILTON KEYNES 10k July 1 2008 Finishers : 419
It was my turn for excuses this week. It was hot and humid. My hip was hurting. And anyone who's driven around Milton Keynes for 10 minutes will understand what an uninspiring place it is to run 10k along its monotonous grid system of dual carriageways, cycle paths and underpasses.However, our main objective this week, the final race of the 2008 Grand Prix series, was to secure a group photo of ourselves with Bob Emmerson, the septuagenarian road racer from Leamington.
Bob's racing pedigree is impressive. Seventh in his age group in this year's London marathon, he once completed a 100k challenge around the Crystal Palace track - that's 250 laps of your school playing field if you think about it. Further, he once covered a distance of 132 miles in the 24-hour running equivalent of Le Mans, averaging 5.5 miles an hour. Even a partial hip transplant hasn't stopped him and though "the lungs aren't as good as they used to be" he looks set to continue for at least another 10 years.
The racing plan was simple. Ian was to track the 'Master' from start to finish, race to his car to collect the camera, apprehend Bob before he jogged the 40 miles back to Leamington, and await my eventual arrival for a historic photo-shoot.
Ian stuck to his task with typical zeal. However, he didn't just keep him in his sights, he breathed down his neck for 6 miles ! Bob must have thought he was being stalked by Britain's gayest heavy breather. It was only with 500 metres to go when Ian, sensing a memorable victory over someone 30 years his senior, relieved Bob of his unwelcome racing partner and cantered off to an impressive sub-54 minute finish.
Overcome by the heat, exhaustion and boredom, I limped in with the also-rans.
Bob was kindness personified. He seemed genuinely flattered two amateurs should want their picture taken with him. Mrs Bob (who can teach Ian a thing or two about digital photography) kindly did the honours and as you can see, the results are just fine !
I'm the old bloke on the right, by the way.
Ian 53:08 mins (314th) Phil 61:15 mins (402nd)
MALVERN HALF MARATHON June 22 2008 Finishers : 541
A more picturesque setting to a running event would be harder to find than the annual Acorns Triple Run at Malvern. To the panoramic backdrop of the Malvern Hills, 1300 competitors assembled at the Three Counties Showground for the three events - Half Marathon, Spring Run and Chicken Run - organised to include all ages and all physical abilities in aid of the Acorns Children Hospice.Sponsored by BBC Hereford and Worcester the whole event took on a family atmosphere for both 'serious' runners and fun competitors alike, so much so, even my three youngest were cajoled into foregoing their usual Sunday morning of inactivity and cooked breakfasts for a bracing jog-walk in the 5-kilometre Spring Run.
I was uplifted at the start by the sight of the 'Marathon Lads', Mick and his wheelchair-bound son, Phil (read their incredible story www.micknphil-marathonlads.co.uk/about_us.htm. The last time I saw them was as they overtook me on the first bend at Silverstone earlier in the season.
The weathermen had forecast gales and they weren't wrong. However, the first 4 miles were literally plain sailing, a fast comfortable descent with a following wind down through the leafy lanes to the Severn-side town of Upton, where the locals had come out to cheer the participants. Hang a left to follow the floodplain of the River Severn to Hanley Castle where if the sidewinds didn't knock you over, the speeding traffic would. (Do drivers in this area think a 4-mile-long snake of runners is normal along this stretch of road for a Sunday morning ?) And for the final test, a further sharp left into the slow and grinding drag up the Guarlford Straight back towards Malvern.
This last stage took me into rarely-ventured territory - over 8 miles and a lack of serious training in a wind tunnel for a month. As the winds swept down off the Malvern Hills face-on, Mick 'n' Phil must have rued the decision not to include some streamlining design into their wheelchair.
Hobbling across the line and ignoring the outstretched microphone of the BBC radio reporter (my response to how I was feeling would have been peppered with Gordon Ramseys), a medal was cast around the neck, and a bottle of water, energy bar and banana (??) thrust into my hands. For the record, my time of 2 hours and 16 minutes would have won me the 1956 Olympics gold medal.....if I had run the full distance. As it is, I've still got a bit to do there.
As to the kids, Beth ran the full 5k along wooded glades in just over 30 minutes whilst the twins, chaperoned by their uncle and aunt and their two dogs (one of which ate my banana, and I think it was a dog), sprinted the last 100 metres to come in under the hour wondering what was taking their Dad so long.
Next year they can push me round in a wheelchair. And they'd better get used to it.
Phil 2 hrs 15:22 mins (451st)
HARBOROUGH 5 June 17 2008 Finishers : 348
Race 7 of the EMGP series took the road racing circus to the unusual setting of Gartree Prison in Leicestershire where Harborough Athletic Club were the hosts.
On our arrival at the maximum security car park of HMP Gartree, an army of race officials in fluorescent jackets had been recruited to ensure an orderly and organised entry and exit, though the 'Ladders R Us' tradesman's van parked suspiciously close to the prison walls seemed to escape attention.
Forgoing my customary start position at the rear I was careful to place myself in the middle of the pack still not convinced this wasn't all a prison training exercise when five minutes into the race the bloodhounds would be let loose.
At the gun, determined to record a personal best, Ian sped off like a 'lifer' on parole. For my part, I was more concerned for the bloke in front of me in the black and white hooped running gear and leg irons !!
The 5-miler winds its way round Foxton Locks, a series of 10 locks located on the Grand Union Canal, and ends with a dash through the small community that comprises prison officer housing and facilities. Mid-course, a long gradual ascent followed by a number of short left and right turns over the canal saps the strength of the fittest. However, any fears of losing one's way were dispelled with the sight of a 'race marshall' hiding behind every tree.
The 5-miler winds its way round Foxton Locks, a series of 10 locks located on the Grand Union Canal, and ends with a dash through the small community that comprises prison officer housing and facilities. Mid-course, a long gradual ascent followed by a number of short left and right turns over the canal saps the strength of the fittest. However, any fears of losing one's way were dispelled with the sight of a 'race marshall' hiding behind every tree.
For the record, Ian knocked 30 seconds off his previous Harborough best and I achieved a sub-46 minutes for the first time this season.
Mr Mackay wouldn't have approved but it may have given a few of the old lags an idea or two for next year.
Ian 41:04 mins (273rd) Phil 45:48 mins (328th)
BANBURY 5 June 10 2008 Finishers : 324
With Ian back from injury and myself fine-tuning last minute training for the Malvern Half Marathon in two weeks, hopes were high for a couple of fast times on an undulating track on the outskirts of Banbury.
What the local residents thought of the 300-plus runners who descended on their quiet suburban cul-de-sac for the start of this 5-miler, wasn't recorded. Which was possibly a good thing as the sonic boom that followed the starter's gun (apparently an 8-pounder borrowed from the deck of HMS Invincible) left in its shock wave a cacophany of bawling babies, baying dogs and tripped car alarms.
The proud gardeners of the area couldn't have been too impressed either. Their first task the following morning would have been to reassemble the front lawns and herbaceous borders where a few hundred pairs of feet had passed through.
Banbury is a pleasant if somewhat nondescript course winding through the village of Broughton and finishing with a long slog up the busy Chipping Norton road where if the race marshalls don't clock you, the speed cameras will.
Ian, atoning for his two-week absence, went off quickly and, until the 3-mile point, was even leading his nemesis, veteran runner Bob Emmerson (who as a matter of interest in 2000, approaching his 68th birthday, completed the 55-mile London-Brighton run in 8 and a half hours !).
However, whereas Bob's race preparation hadn't included a kebab and a few pints the night before, Ian's had. At Mile 4 the 'dodgy donner' took effect and he was left in danger of what's known in the trade as 'doing a Paula' (re Paula Radcliffe Athens Olympics 2004). Whilst Bob had only the finishing line in his sights, Ian had an Andrex 6-pack and an unoccupied toilet.
To his credit, Ian's 'bowel distraction' only cost him about 12 places in the final run-in, even though when he finally emerged from the changing rooms later that evening the janitor had turned off the lights, locked up and gone home.
Ian 42:11 mins (274th) Phil 46:01 mins (305th)
WEEDON 10k June 3 2008 Finishers : 305
On the day Aston Villa announced their new shirt sponsorship deal with Acorns Children's Hospice, Ian - an obsessive Birmingham City fan - controversially dropped out of Race 5 of our ongoing Run-a-thon. It seems not even the spiritual satisfaction of helping sick children can counter the notion that Villa may in some way benefit from such an association.
Right up to the last minute he went through the motions of pre-race registration, warm-up and stop-watch calibration, but no sooner as you can say, 'Pulled hamstring', he was clutching the back of his leg and rolling around in feigned agony, face contorted like Cristiano Ronaldo during a penalty appeal.
Given his now redundant status and an idle camera Ian took it on himself to take some action shots including one of me alongside the cream of Midlands road racing at the very front of the Start line.
At the gun I moved diplomatically onto the grass bank to allow the other 300 runners unfettered passage and then hooked up again on the end of the caterpillar.
Weedon, 20 miles east of Coventry, is the archetypal English village of thatched houses and rustic pubs. Set amongst rolling countryside, it is also the most challenging of the 8 courses with a mile-long incline so steep in places, runners are reduced to walking. Not so for me. I wasn't to wimp out myself and was determined to jog the full climb. Consequently, I lost a dozen places to a succession of female power-walkers.
The run back down into the village is hair-raising and something you wouldn't contemplate on a bike. Nevertheless, Ian was there at the end to snap the very moment I crossed the line exhausted but within the hour.
Keen to know how he'd got on with his new hobby, Ian replied, "Not very good. In fact, they're bloody crap these digital cameras!"
You can see why !
Ian awol Phil 59:16 mins (287th)
CORBY 5 May 28 2008 Finishers : 276
Race 4 and it was the turn of Corby's Rockingham IndyCar racing track to host this week's event. However, our suspicions grew when the web site described the course as 'hilly' ! Other than the banking at each end it was difficult to understand what this referred to. Until, that is, we arrived at the East Carlton Country Park, a few miles west of the original venue. It seems Rockingham have had enough of club runners trashing the pit lanes with their plastic water cups and half-empty tubes of Deep Heat.
Hilly was an understatement. Mountainous more like. We began with a half mile steep incline and finished with a mile-long climb even a tractor would have stalled on. Ian berated himself for not catching a group of 5 he had in his sights up the final hill, whilst I declined the imploring from spectators to make a sprint finish of it with someone 10 years my junior, and jogged in graciously before gagging on the line.
No surprises. Both of us finished last in our age groups. PS
Ian 44:19 mins (244th) Phil 48:42 mins (260th)
BEDFORD 6 May 21 2008 Finishers : 256
We've finally sussed this running malarky. There's nothing to it. You start at the back and you just stay there. In this way you avoid having 300 runners stampede past you in the first quarter mile. It also means the trailing St Johns' ambulance is on hand should last week's toe blister burst.
With such tactics in mind Ian and myself journeyed to Bedford for the third leg of the EMGP series. Perversely, you have to walk a mile across a park to the starting line. For Ian, it gave him the chance for a stretch and warm-up. For me, a pre-race fag and spit.
Of all the courses Bedford is the most gruelling - a relentless stamina-sapping 3-mile incline ending abruptly in a short steep descent down which your legs can't carry you fast enough.
To finish us off they added a lap of the Mark Rutherford School grass track where we ran towards a line of patronising race officials - like parents at Sports Day -encouraging and cajoling in equal measure for one last effort.
By now I was past caring. PS
Ian 51:58 mins (224th) Phil 56:47 mins (241st)
RUGBY 6 May 15 2008 Finishers : 321
After Sunny Silverstone last week, the contrast at Rugby couldn't have been greater. Cold and windy, this 6-miler round the lanes of Warwickshire drew a field of around 300. However, the challenging and undulating course through scenic countryside compensated for the blustery conditions.
Whilst Ian quickly got into his stride and recorded a good time on what proved to be a hilly last 3 miles, Phil "stayed out of trouble" at the back of the pack amongst runners from the Vegetarian Cycling and Athletics Club (Ian and myself are thinking of starting a Kebab Eating and Athletics Club in direct competition. Anyway, what does Vegetarian Cycling actually involve ?).
Both runners finished well down in their veteran categories - Ian last but one in the Over-45s; Phil last in the Over-50s - but were later consoled by the news 75-year old Bob Emmerson had failed to break 50 minutes.
Ian 51:18 mins (270th) Phil 57:29 mins (311th)
SILVERSTONE 10k May 6 2008 Finishers : 993
The first race of the season brought together 1000 local club athletes on a sunny evening Silverstone track. Phil began modestly at the back of the field which it soon became apparent he was unlikely to improve. Ian meanwhile, despite a bout of Spring flu, bravely worked his way through the tailend of Twenty-something female club runners (something he'd only previously dreamed about) to record a respectable sub-hour time. A steady start to the campaign though to put it in perspective 75-year old Bob Emmerson of Leamington AC finished in under 51 minutes !
Ian 59:24 mins (885th) Phil 61:53 mins (928th)
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Phil Smith and Ian Wilson