My name is Jas and my husband’s name is Guv. 

We are taking on the 8,000 Steps a day in March Challenge for Tommy's to help stop the heartbreak and devastation of baby loss and make pregnancy safe - for everyone. 

Our story  - please guard your hearts and respect our journey!

We have been on our own fertility journey since our fertility investigations started in 2019. 

In 2019, I knew something wasn’t right and never thought to look into it until I was approaching my 30s. Time was ticking and each month I was becoming confused, impatient and disappointed with my body! I was somewhat scared to even think about going to the GP. 

In 2019 we decided to visit our GP, we was told to make some changes in our life and nothing could be done until we made these changes. So we started with changing our lifestyle. The main part of this was tracking my ovulation, cervical mucus, body temperature, aswell as trying to conceive as closely as possible to ovulation and using pregnancy tests 6 days before my period was due.

As you can imagine this was alot to take in. Life has many ups and downs and this became part of those ups and downs. However we did not give up hope….. time ticked on and we did finally get pregnant, however we was faced with one loss after another. 

In 2020, we had 2 biochemical pregnancies (loss under 5 weeks). I was seeing a positive pregnancy test but just over a week the pregnancy test would become fainter and fainter and then my body would recognise the pregnancy has ended, which would then result in a bleed at around a week or two later.

In 2021, we had a ectopic pregnancy (tube pregnancy) this was one of the first pregnancies which scared us to the core. I was told that if the pregnancy had carried on, it could result in a rapture which could lead to death. At our 6 weeks scan I was told they had to end the pregnancy under medical grounds, as the baby had implanted outside of the uterus. I was given a chemo injection. After this injection is administered, you lose all the good bacteria, cells etc 

I suffered a lot of weakness, hair loss and fatigue.This injection also meant we were not allowed to try again until after 3-6 months due to the effects on the body. 

After our ectopic pregnancy which was the last natural pregnancy, we were referred directly for IVF in 2021.

We had 3 IVF cycles in total and all resulted in miscarriages.

In 2021, our first IVF cycle resulted in an another biochemical pregnancy.

In 2022, we went onto the 2nd round of IVF but unfortunately that also resulted in a miscarriage. At my 6 week scan they found no pregnancy in my uterus but my hormone level kept rising. Eventually at 7 weeks they saw a mass near my left tube and assumed it was another ectopic. I was advised instead of ending the pregnancy via a chemo injection it would be best to perform a keyhole surgery to remove the pregnancy and the tube. Once the surgery was complete I was told my tubes looked fine and the pregnancy could not be found, so I was told to wait a week. Within a week I started to bleed but the pregnancy carried on growing and the pregnancy hormone kept rising. A week later a scan was performed which again showed no pregnancy so I was given the chemo injection to end the pregnancy and again all the side affects that came with that.  It was heartbreaking to end another pregnancy as it was not a viable pregnancy. A month later, after further investigations it was found that the pregnancy was in the uterus.  

Our 6th loss is the most recent loss at the start of 2024. It was a long awaited pregnancy, I had been preparing my body for over a year.

This was our last embryo. We found out I was pregnant mid November 2023 and we honestly couldn’t believe it and knew in our case we had a lot to overcome before we could be happy. 

We saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks and 6 days and then at 7 week and 6 days at our IVF clinic. I can never forget the scans and the flickering strong heartbeat, it seems like it was just yesterday! We was so scared but over the moon. I remember crying and even though my eyes were so blurry I could see the heartbeat clearly flickering away so strongly.

We was told we was out of miscarriage zone and the embryo had been PGTA tested for abnormalities. I was on 16 different tablets and 2 injections which I took daily and all was going well. We was told not to stress and enjoy the pregnancy. We had graduated from our fertility clinic and was moved over to NHS. I had my first booking appointment with my midwife and was told they would see me for a scan at 12 weeks! I had all the pregnancy symptoms you would expect and very bad nausea at night. I also had salt and vinegar cravings followed by sweet and sour cravings. 

On 1st Jan 2024, I was just over 10 weeks pregnant and we had booked a private scan ahead of our 12 week scan. We took our families along with us to give them a surprise and for them to meet our baby. 

The due date was on the same date as our 10 years wedding anniversary! 

We had decided we go in first, I don’t know why but I wanted to make sure all was well. As soon as the scan began I knew something was wrong and held Guv’s hand and said somethings wrong. I was then told a transvaginal scan would be better as tummy scans don’t always show correctly. I knew in my heart something was wrong, I walked out the room and tried not to look at our families and walked straight to the toilet to empty my bladder, I was shaking and I kept saying to Guv I know something is wrong. 

Our scan started again and as soon as the probe went in I knew! Our baby was still, no movement at all. I could see that our baby had grown, the arms and legs had formed and our baby looked so much bigger.

Few seconds later which felt like a lifetime… I heard those words I never thought i would ever have to hear…..

I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat….

and that was it… i didn’t know what to do and everything paused for a good minute. I could hear my own heart for a few seconds. I was looking at Guv and he was looking at me. I was shaking and then I started crying. I will never forget the hug we gave eachother that moment! 

The first thing I said to Guv was somehow get our families out of the clinic now. I couldn’t let them in, seeing our baby like this would break them, let alone what they were going to hear next. I don’t know how Guv managed this I don’t how anyone can manage anything like this. 

It was the hardest day of our life’s. I don’t know how anyone can be prepared. All I knew was I had experienced death inside me, and I had no idea and nothing I could do. But all I knew was, our baby gave me no sign and no pain. Our baby came silently and left silently without letting me know. What I experienced in this pregnancy are some great memories, which I will cherish for the rest of my life. 

It’s very hard to say this was the most heartbreaking loss, as all my 5 previous losses have been heartbreaking however this pregnancy was somewhat different and maybe out of this world. It was the best pregnancy, it came with joy and happiness. I am so grateful to god for allowing me to carry our baby and enjoy just under 3 months of pregnancy. 

Guv and I are taking each day as it comes and are so thankful for your prayers and well wishes. Our families have been amazing and are our rock! 

We have now been referred to Tommys, who will be helping us with recurring miscarriage investigations. So far we have had many tests which have resulted in unexplained infertility. It’s been a journey and we know our journey isn’t over yet! We are not giving up, and we hope to continue our journey to a rainbow baby. 

We know the cost of living crisis is taking over our life’s but anything you can spare would be great!

Thank you for your donation and helping us to save babies' lives with Tommy's.

We are sorry if you have been triggered by our story.

Thank you

Lots of love from Jas & Guv

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