Every Step Tells a story and here is mine. My son’s name is Zayne Alexander Benejan. My pregnancy was healthy from the start, until one day my body felt off. My stomach felt heavy and I was far more fatigued than normal. I went to the labor and delivery unit at my local hospital 4 different times in a 2 week span and was told each time “he seems happy in there. His heart is strong”. Family and friends around me assured everything was in my head. I tried to get in sooner with my OB but was told to just wait until my next visit a few weeks away. One day at work I was trying to track my son’s movements and they weren’t strong. I asked to leave early but was told I was not allowed. On my lunch break I made the decision to put my child first. I left without notice. My (at the time) significant other told me I was wrong for leaving and that I should just wait for my appointment. I got in with my OB and Zayne’s heartbeat was strong, but I was measuring 5 weeks ahead out of nowhere. The doctor scheduled an ultrasound for June 6th. I left the office still unconvinced that everything was okay. My body was telling me otherwise. I laid for hours trying to monitor movements, trying every home remedy to make the baby move…nothing was working. Just shy of 1am on May 25th, 2020 I got up and left to the emergency room. My eldest and only child had trouble sleeping and stopped me at the top of the stairs. She said “mom I think brother needs to make sure you are okay” her words spoke to my heart..I knew what was next but remained hopeful. Once again I was back in the labor and delivery unit. 4 days prior my son had a heartbeat and on this day they could not find one. The OB on call came in with a portable ultrasound machine. He did not turn the screen away from me. I saw my child motionless. I saw the heart was not beating. “No fetal movement, no heart rate” and he walked out. Peak of COVID, I was alone. Numb to the words that were just so coldly murmured to me. I was told I had to follow up with my OB in the morning for him to confirm. I laid all night hoping this was not my reality. Morning seemed to take an eternity. I once again had to be told my son was gone. I tried to tell people for weeks! Why didn’t anyone believe me? I got to the hospital to be induced at 4pm on May 26th. By 5:19am on May 27th I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy. 28 weeks and 5 days gestation. 4lbs 2oz and 16in long. He looked so perfect. Life made no sense at all in that moment. I later found out that I had a blood disorder; factor five. I had never known this and I was never told this by a medical professional. Zayne’s umbilical cord had a blood clot that was restricting him from receiving the proper nutrients he needed. A mother knows and I am comforted in knowing that I DID try. It cost me my job, it cost me financial hardship and it took away the light that once made me who I am, but I tried to fight, I fought. Stillborn but still born. Grief has no time frame. Even just a simple read to carry on my son’s name means a lot. Thank you to anyone who took the time to hear about my son and thank you to anyone who does decide to donate.

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Because every baby matters. Every story deserves to be told. And every grieving family deserves to be heard.