It had been my intention to make regular reports to this, my blog. It would seem however that since my decision to take part in my first triathlon I have been embroiled in the complexities of life and have never found the time to put pen to paper. I now find myself in a small elegant and inspiring B and B in Tuscany and with a pen in hand my mind is flowing and time is on my side.

It is sometimes impossible to see inner strength as more than just words. One is told or encouraged to find it but it is often unattainable solo. To find it takes strength all of its own and I suppose I have managed,to a degree, to uncover it after every unexpected dark moment or depression. I dug very deep this spring.

The skilled care advice patience and commitment offered by the NHS crisis team were my first aid to discovering the force behind me. Never had I imagined that a group of strangers could want to help selflessly.

The next step was to keep myself from falling back into the depths and a cycle club seemed a good idea. A London club beckoned and I joined. My first ride felt like my first day at school. My bike was old I was vulnerable and felt unfit for the job mentally and physically. It was not to be an instant fix.

A core of strength was once again encouraged by perfect strangers, with similar life obstacles, brought together by the same goals and an unspoken understanding.

I now have many long bike rides under my belt and feel my cycling has gone from strength to strength, gaining empowerment from fellow riders,places and people we meet. It is a bug. I healthy one.

Six weeks ago it was suggested by a friend that I do a triathlon and without much thought, I registered. New goals could be uncovered with this decision to help maintain my found well being and I soon saw it as a way to offer sponsorship money to the organisation that pulled me past my demons.

A sprint triathlon, 750 metre swim, 20 km bike ride and 5 km run was the option chosen and with that I started training. I had little worries about the ride ot run until I injured my leg on a run 4 weeks ago. Since then, training has been slow and daunting. Riding is always a pleasure but the knowledge that I have not been able to run has been un-nerving. Swimming is terrifying.

I was a strong swimmer 30 years ago but I have had little will to swim since my years in Cornwall by the sea. I was a member of a surf lifesaving club. Sea swims were a given. Pool swimming has always seem tedious and there has been little reason until now to partake.

It required a new inner strength to enter the sea for my first open water swim since the fearless age of my teens. Armed with my wetsuit I went to Holkam bay on a sunny but blustery day. I paced out 350 m and with much trepidation I left the dogs with my friends and ran into the sea. Wetsuits have come along way since 1987. The cold was not an issue. Fear and vulnerability most certainly were. Not such a strong swimmer after all it seemed. I battled against the waves with front crawl and it seemed all I was doing was letting in water. Already exhausted, I took a moment to recover on the sandbank. Realising that I was burning out using that stroke I walked for a few metres. The waves were large and relentless.

It is easy to see how one could perish at the hands of a choppy sea.

Very quickly I dug deep once again and was off, this time using the slower but safer breaststroke. It was now easier to see the breaking waves. All the time even my German Shepherd, Jack was giving me strength and encouragement crying at the shoreline, wondering why I was splashing about in the water without him. When I emerged from the sea He was all over me and I was exhausted. All my physical energy was spent. My mind was excited and disappointed. I had done a Sea swim in relatively rough conditions and was still alive, just. I had however only swum 350 m, well short of the distance required on the 17th.

The fear of the unknown is now giving me sleepless moments. It would be good to know the distances have all been achieved to date.

As race day approaches I am filled with fear of the smallest things, transitional logistics, my sponsorship totals, my timings etc but I know that excitement and adrenaline will overtake (Or at least I hope they will)

I will update when I have been in the Tuscan sea. (When the storms and wind have passed!)

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