I've had Fibromyalgia and Personality Disorder for a number of years now. With Fibro, the pain is there all the time body wide and grinds away at you all day and night. The mental health is a torment and fighting both everyday is a challenge.

I've worked part-time for a media company for over two years now. Before this, I'd not worked for seven years, although I volunteered in many ways for many organisations. All of which led nowhere, except for Barnsley Local TV. That got me spotted by Kirklees Local TV who gave me the paid work. Now I've always known I can do a part-time job and I've proven so, but full-time work is proving to be more difficult.

Becuase Fibro and mental health are unpredictable in nature and can get worse any time, I've found the flexibility of film making offers me the best chance of getting out of the poverty health trap I've found myself in for too long.
Every time I try and save money, Poppy (my daughter) needs clothes, a bill needs paying or an emergency crops up and the little savings I've saved go out the window. Will I ever be able to work full-time with the flexibility my health demands?

So here it comes!
I've become reasonably good at film making and have earned extra bits here and there from this. The sense of achievement in getting a message across and the look on people's faces when they see a finished product is amazing.

Then I realised something else, I've got the ability to give more than a DVD or YouTube video with a little bit of cash attached. I've the potential to make a positive change not just in my life, but also in the community around me.

There's so much hate all around, we see it all the time thrust at us as if that's all there is out there. Yet there's so much good out there, not just fluffy cat video's. I mean there's real people making real change everyday that go unnoticed. What if we capture and create just as many good, positive video's and change the mindset of people we hear on the train to work, moaning about various things they've seen and sound like we're all doomed.

I've managed to get various other bits of equipment over the years and a grant for an editing machine at home, which is great for flexible working. Having my own camera though will get me a large step closer to my final goals.
Which are to get off all benefits, show people with mental health or other health problems there is a way through and teach others the same, lead by example. Don't just sit at home, telling yourself "this is as good as it get". Lets get out there, find the good and shove the positive in front of as many people as we can. Make it a real battle and change hate to great.

I fear death, but what I fear more is being old, with an active mind and a body that won't let me do anything. Sitting and think "I could have done more for myself, my daughter and the world she's to live in". I want to look around and hear people talking about good stuff. Is it pie in the sky, fluffy cloud thinking or shall we do something about. I don't want to be the person saying why didn't they do this or that. I want to be the person doing this and that.