Hello all,

Thanks so much for reading. Sorry it’s a bit of a long one 🤦🏼‍♂️

As you may be aware, previously I’ve took on or supported several fitness challenges to keep myself fit, motivated and both physically and mentally healthy, such as the Run Every Day (RED366) challenge from 1st Jan 2020 for the whole year but became 550 consecutive days, then the run 100 miles a month challenge in 2022.

Having had a pretty turbulent year since around this time last year, I’m going to set myself a challenge!! To get back to the physical fitness (and hopefully weight) I had last February, and to get my level of discipline back in relation to training and fitness, both of which, I know, will have a profoundly positive impact on my mental health!

What am I doing? Well, the challenge is this;

Having had the privileged opportunity to be at all 34 games that Saints were involved in during the 2023 season, from St George in Feb to Catalan in October, I’m going to watch them all back on Saints TV, in full!!

That’s a total of 3098 minutes, or in normal language, just shy of 52 hours! I’m gonna sit and watch every try, every conversion, and every minute of every game!! Not on the couch though, on my road bike attached to my turbo trainer in the front room!!! It’s quite the set up!!

So as I write this (day 14 of the challenge, 11 turbo sessions), I’ve already covered 109 miles watching the St George vs Saints game (29 miles), the Penrith v Saints WCC (32.5 miles), the RD2 Super League game away at Castleford (26 miles), and tonight I continued the RD3 game at home v Leeds (21.5 miles so far).

My challenge is to watch the whole season, whilst cycling on my turbo trainer. Now, considering I taught maths in my younger years, I won’t lie; working the following out took me a lot longer than it should have!!

So, 52hrs…. Well my average speed combined for the first 2 weeks has been around 17.5mph!! If I completed the whole season at that average speed, I’d amass 910 miles!

My intention is to use the period between now and 16th February (which is when I believe the 2024 Super League season resumes) to achieve this challenge.

I’m hoping that as my fitness starts to get back to something like it can be, my weight comes down, and I condition my legs to be a cyclist rather than a runner, I hope I can increase my average speed over time and thus cycling more miles!

It looks like this:

Avg speed of 18mph = 936 miles

Avg speed of 19mph = 988 miles

Avg speed of 20mph = 1040 miles

All in all though, no matter what speed I cycle at, my arse will endure 51hrs and 40 minutes sat on a road bike seat over the duration of 102 days!

So in Lehman’s terms, I need to complete 104 x 30minutes (which is as good as 10 miles a day) on average! I’m not committing to cycling every day, that sort of pressure, as I realised this time last year, can add unnecessary pressure and have a negative affect on your mind! What I am aiming to achieve though is completing the whole season before the new one starts and I’m hopeful that my average speed can level out around 19.3mph or faster so that I can complete over 1000 miles!! That’s on average 68-70 miles a week for 14 and half weeks!!

Why am I doing this?

This time last year, although my physical fitness was in a really good place, my mental health was at an all time low and getting worse. Many of the challenges we’ve faced both recently and over the years with losing so many loved ones, paired with other challenges we had in our lives such as the house extension, issues in my career, the Rugby League season ending, the horrible weather, dark nights and winter on the horizon, I was really struggling to the point where some days I wouldn’t even get out of bed.

I wasn’t sleeping properly, I was getting excessively anxious over some really minor things but also some bigger issues and I’d been drinking quite a lot as that was the only way I’d get to sleep without worrying about anything and everything! I was out of control and it was getting worse!!

Towards the end of November, I remember being lay in bed around 3pm in the afternoon one day. I felt sad, lonely, couldn’t really be bothered with anything or anyone, including my Wife and Children. The demons started to beat me up pretty bad… I was a useless husband, useless dad, all I did was drink, sleep, repeat!! The ‘feeling low’ was getting lower and for longer.

On Tuesday 29th November, something happened and that was the final straw!!! I felt backed into a corner, not just as a result of challenges in my career, but everything else too!! Life had become too much, there were too many things going on that the old me used to be able to deal with and cope with, but I was at breaking point! I was telling myself ‘I can’t carry on this way’ and I knew I had to do something!!

Catherine returned home and witnessed me sat there crying my eyes out whilst on this teams call!! I was having a complete breakdown, I felt worthless. At one point, I even told my Wife that if I could get my hands on one of those lethal pills that ends your life there and then, I’d take it!!!

Enough was enough, I needed help!! I confided in our employer’s Mental Health expert and she put things in plain and simple language for me!! “We all have a bucket when it comes to emotions/feelings, and once that bucket is full, you need to find a way to empty it!”

I tried to access counselling through my employment, who assessed me almost immediately and told me that I was moderately to severely depressed, but because of how much I’d been drinking in recent months, they told me that counselling wasn’t the best choice at that point in time and to look at alternative options, such as medicine.

I always had a bit of an issue with the thought of anti-depressants, the whole stigma of once you’re on them you’ll never get off them etc, but having spoken at length with my Dr, she confirmed that I was indeed in a state of depression and to try the medicine route!!

Reluctantly I agreed but also realised that there wasn’t really another viable option. The ‘happy pills’ had an almost immediate impact and I started to feel a whole lot better. Work on the house was nearly finished, I was taking some significant time away from work, I stopped going to the pub as much and didn’t drink at home, I was sleeping better and, by this point, we had a trip to Australia to look forward to. I was running well and my physical fitness was as good as it’s been in years!

Christmas came and went, the New Year came and we celebrated Joshua’s birthday on 2nd January. All was great! But then, on the day the kids went back to school I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness again, just as I’d had almost every day between September and November!! We walked the dog, I took my meds, managed to run and I remember thinking whilst out on my run, “how would I be feeling now had I not taken the medicine route!”

Pretty quickly I started to feel ‘better’ again and other than a slight change in my meds, due to a few side effects, the world started to feel a much happier place for me again and it was all roads to Australia!

You’ll most likely be asking yourself now, why are you sharing this? What is your intention by sharing this post… well there’s a few.

Firstly, although many of the challenges I was facing last year have subsided (work issues/house renovations/financial pressures) there are still some pretty big ones that lie ahead. Grief at this time of year and for the next few months really hurts!! Remembering my in-laws, my sister, Billy, Cookie, TeeCee and many other friends and family we have lost along the way can lie heavy on the mind!!

Not to mention it’s dark, it’s cold, mostly wet and the most horrible time of the year. The Rugby League season doesn’t start until mid-February and other than Christmas with the family and the kids birthday’s coming up in early January, there’s not a great deal to look forward to!!

Who am I doing this for?

Now whilst I’m doing this primarily for me, I talked earlier about the support I’ve been so grateful to have from my Wife, family, colleagues and closest friends. Not to mention I got almost instant access to qualified counsellors through my employer and all of those things combined steered me down the right path, to my GP and to the medicine that has had a significant and positive affect on me.

I’m acutely aware that there are many victims of suicide each year, as a result of un-treated depression as well as several other Mental Health challenges! Many men and women, in a similar age bracket to me, either don’t or can’t reach out for various reasons. One of those is the consistent lack of funding for Mental Health practitioners, so one of the charities i’d like 50% of all that I can raise to be donated to is State of Mind.

State of Mind Sport is a charity that harnesses the power of sport to promote positive mental health among sportsmen and women, fans and wider communities, and ultimately to prevent suicide.

Their aim is to raise awareness of the issues surrounding mental health and well being and deliver education on the subject to all levels of sport, business, education and community groups. If the money I can raise can fund one session, with one person or group, to provide help and support to reach out, and receive, the help that they need, then that in itself will be worth every turn of the pedals!

The other half of what I raise I would like to donate equally to two charities that are close to my heart;

The first is a charity created by the man that inspired me to become a Saints supporter and he really helped me fall in love with the game!! Steve Prescott MBE, who sadly lost his battle to cancer 10 years ago. Steve’s legacy lives on through the remarkable team at the Steve Prescott Foundation, through his wife and his two remarkable sons and many many others and they continue to complete challenges and raise much needed funds to donate to The Christie Charity, Rugby League Cares and the RFL Benevolent Fund! 25% of all that I can raise will be donated to the SPF.

The second is a charity that is close to home, both physically and emotionally. Last year, towards the end of September, a long time Rugby League friend of mine, Billy Martland, was on end of life care at Willowbrook Hospice in Prescot and I was incredibly privileged to have been asked to visit him a week before he passed away at the hospice. This hour or so absolutely broke my heart, I remember having to sit in my car and compose myself after sharing our final goodbye to each other as I physically couldn’t see through my tears. The staff at the hospice were exceptional. They were calm, compassionate, kind and extremely caring and supportive of Billy and his loved ones through the most traumatic time of their lives!! The remaining 25% of what I raise will be donated to Willowbrook Hospice.

None of what I’ve shared above is in any way an intention to get a sympathy vote, for people to feel sorry for me or to get likes or comments on social media! I’m sharing my story and my challenge because;

a) I’m in a much better place now than this time last year.

b) It’s okay to not be okay.

c) Men get sad too.

d) If my story can inspire just 1 person to reach out, to talk, to seek help and to find a way out of a state of depression, then that’s worth more than any amount of money I could ever raise!!

And finally, if whilst cycling for 52 hours over the next 3 months I can raise some money for three charities that I’m passionate about and help people who struggle with Mental Health problems, as well as providing some money to support the SPF and Willowbrook hospice, then that in itself will give me a huge lift and boost along the way!!

Away from the challenge and fundraising over the coming months, my intention, whilst working on both my physical and mental health, is to regain some of the mental toughness I know I’ve got and to build back the resilience I know I once had!!

Thank you so much for reading my journey and if you’re able to, please do support my challenge where at all possible and all monies raised will be donated to three very important charities.

Kev x