You find yourself waiting to see the health visitor.

Sitting in line, waiting your turn, you could be mistaken for any other new mum – a mum who has recently given birth. And yet you’re not a new mum; you gave birth months ago.

You remind the health visitor that your baby was born early and as they go to chart their weight you gently remind them about plotting their weight according to their corrected age.

Your baby is 10 weeks old – “Are they smiling yet?” they ask. You shake your head, you’ve been asked this question before.
“He hasn’t reached his due date yet” you reply.

“How are you getting on?” they ask..
“Okay,” you reply quickly, afraid that if you linger on the subject you may break down and cry.

How can you explain that every time you pass a heavily pregnant woman you feel a pang of jealously?
How can you explain that you are still grieving for the loss of your third trimester, the loss of the first precious hold, the loss of a ‘normal birth’ and the loss of weeks, if not months, of your maternity leave?
Do you open up about the flash backs, the worry, the guilt and exhaustion? How do you begin to explain the pain of having to leave your baby every day.

As a sympathetic nod to the journey you have been on, a well-meaning health visitor notes that “NICU must have been hard, ….but you’re home now”.

This plays into the common misconception that once discharged from neonatal care your NICU journey is behind you. For parents of premature babies this is far from the truth as we know 40% of NICU mums develop post-natal depression, (compared to 5-10% of mothers who deliver with no complications at full term); and that more than half report symptoms of anxiety or PTSD once their baby is home.

The “Preemie Proud” Red Book stickers are a perfect and gentle reminder that early babies have differing developmental needs and that NICU mums who have been on a complex journey and may need extra support.

www.thesmallestthings.org