Through eight months of pregnancy we talked about our baby everyday with our girls; what would we call him, how big had he grown, was he kicking, and, almost everyday for the last two months, how many sleeps left till we would hold him in our arms? At scans we smiled at the sound of his heartbeat and saw his face looking out at us. Our girls bought him gifts – ‘best brother’ vests and snuggly jackets. Each day before sleeping, they kissed him goodnight, counting down the last days until we would bring him home.

Arlo died the day before he was born. There was no warning, no reason, no time to prepare for his birth. Just shock, and labour, then the overwhelming joy of holding our newborn son for the first time.

We thought, as is the case in many countries, that we would be able to stay with Arlo for as long as we needed. To have time to recover from labour, for the medication to wear off, to look at him, change him, sleep next to him. To understand that he had both been born and died.

In Czech, where our son was born, there are no cuddle cots, from the moment he was born, we had six hours together. Many families here still have much less. Finding ourselves at home, without our baby, so soon after giving birth was an extra layer of trauma.

Everything about a baby dying is wrong. But there are ways to provide care for families that enables choice, gives time, meets the physical and emotional needs of parents; and allows families to meet and to love and care for their babies before leaving them.

All families whose babies die, should be supported with the best bereavement care possible. Care that allows choice and supports families to care for their babies and make memories to last a life time.

In Arlo’s memory, we are supporting hospitals in the Czech Republic in their care for families following baby loss. We are talking to raise awareness and we are making much needed donations to support care after loss. We have started this work and hope to do much more in 2020 and beyond. We are providing:

1. Photo guides and photo memory books: To help prepare medical staff and families for how their baby may physically appear when born. The unknown is always more scary than the known. There is nothing to fear, but many families are afraid of what their baby may look like following the death of their baby before or during labour. These resources help staff and families by showing beautiful photographs of stillborn babies. The photo memory book costs £40 (Kc1200 plus delivery) from Beyond Bea Charity . With permission from Esther, we have adapted the photo guide from SANDS materials, created by Ester Godfrey, and translated it into Czech.

2. Cameras: The photos taken in the hours and days after a baby dies are the only photos that a family will ever have of their child. There is no possibility to go back for a forgotten shot. I long for a picture of our beautiful son without his hat on, one where he is not dressed in his sleep-suit and wrapped in his blanket; I long for one with all five of us in. These are pictures we will never have. The pictures we do have are treasured. They have to be enough, but more can be done for others. A camera at the hospital, with a midwife ready to take photos based on a photo guide, will help. The cameras we are donating to hospitals cost about £150 (Kc 4,500).

3. Care packages: A care package says you are not alone. But more than that it shows families that they can care for their babies and make precious memories in the short time they have together. A care package costs about £50 (Kc1500) So far our care packages contain:

• A baby blanket. • A baby towel or muslin - for wrapping or bathing.

• Two matching soft toys - to be snuggled then one to stay with baby and one to go home.

• Two nappies in different sizes - mini and newborn - as a gentle reminder that we can still care for our babies in the small window we have together.

• A packet of tissues - for the tears that come and the tiny nose bleeds of new babies after they die as the tiny capillaries in the nose break.

• A memory stick - as a reminder to capture their baby and so that families can go home with the photos taken on the hospital camera.

• A little card - to say, whilst your world has ended, you aren't alone. Someone has been here and they are still standing.

• A tiny box for a lock of hair.

4. Cuddle Cots: This is very close to our hearts. A Cuddle Cot means that no family has to leave their baby the same day they are born. It gives the small gift of time, at a time when so much is lost. Many hospitals globally have these special cots that allows parents to care for their babies for a brief window of time by cooling the baby. There are no cuddle cots in maternity hospitals in the Czech Republic. A CuddleCot costs about £1750 (Kc 52,000).

5. In 2020, we hope to also be able to create and provide sibling memory boxes, to help older brothers and sisters through the immense loss they face. Our girls were so kindly supported with sibling boxes by a small UK charity called Memories from Isla. These boxes offered them something that they needed so much and have helped them through the weeks and months in so many ways. Sibling boxes cost about £50 (Kc 1500).

We also hope to support feet and hand casting in the future as this has been something very precious to us.

Thank you for your support to help us with this work in Arlo's memory, you can follow our work on Facebook and Insta @ AStarFromArlo

Claire and Hubert