I have always known that I was transgender. I did not always have the terminology to describe how I was but I always knew I wasn't a boy. I played the game and did what I was told, jumped through the hoops to try and please everyone around me but inside I was dying. Plus, even trying my hardest to fit in, I was singled out at school and beaten up almost daily because the other children assumed I was gay.

I tried to kill myself several times as a teenager, in my twenties, and more recently 4 years ago. Thankfully, I lacked the ability to carry many of these attempts through to their conclusion or they simply didn't work as intended. The last attempt was in 2018 and it took me 3 hours to come away from the bridge and only because I came to the conclusion it was not high enough to guarantee my demise.

I sought help and was referred to Newcastle NHS Gender services. However, there was a long wait and the only help I got from my GP was take St John's wort to try and combat the suicidal urges. I started to self-medicate because of the wait and this was a massive relief for me. I stopped wanting to kill myself all the time. When I told Newcastle NHS Gender services they recommended that my GP checked the hormone levels in my blood. I was due a blood test any case to check for cancer and diabetes. My GP refused. He even refused to carry out the original health check because he was, and I quote, "uncomfortable treating transgender patients". I went to another GP in the same practice who also refused. What is different about giving a transgender patient a blood test and any other person a blood test?

I managed to save enough money with a lot of help from friends to make an initial appointment privately to be assessed for gender dysphoria and to have a second opinion from a psychologist to confirm the findings and make sure that I had no psychiatric issues. On both accounts I was told that I was the clearest case that they've ever experienced. I think they were kind of surprised that it had taken me so long to come out the closet. However, I still needed a blood test before I could be prescribed HRT. My GP practice had already refused. They basically forced me out of the pracitce by refusing me care. The first alternative GP practice I phoned offered to treat me privately at £130 per appointment but refused to take me on as a NHS patient. The second practice I called was making a fuss about not having the experience of dealing with transgender patients and said that he had "nothing against you people" but he wasn't sure he would know how to treat us. Thankfully, the third GP practice I tried that was two villages away from where I live, had no problems and they even updated my records to say Alice. However, throughout all this time I was still waiting to see Newcastle NHS Gender services... now over 3 years.

In June 2021, Newcastle NHS Gender services added another year to the waiting times and now claim there is 5 year wait for an initial appointment, you then need to wait just as long for a followup appointment before even starting treament. Their waiting list in 2021 was 1,228 people, it has since increased. In order to meet the 41month target, they would need to see 359 new people per year; they were seeing just 14 on average. At the rate of 14 new people per year, it would take them over 87 years to clear the 2021 waiting list of 1,228 people and that is without adding any new patients to the list.

In other words, I will be dead of old age before I even get HRT on the NHS nevermind gender reallignment surgery. I have since been paying for private care and covering the cost of my appointments and HRT at £100 per month. However, I do not have the means to raise the money required for surgery in Thailand in addition to paying for my private doctor's appointments in the UK.

The money I am raising should pay for SRS-PPV Penile Peritoneal Vaginoplasty, cover the cost of flights, additional costs, and my 4 week recovery stay in Thailand.

It seems like a lot of money. It IS a lot of money. But if 2,300 people each donated £10, then I would achieve my target. Any small amount would be very helpful and hopefully, there will be enough people out there who can help make a real difference in changing my life. Thank you so much for any support you can offer.