The first thing I think about when I wake up shouldn't be the state of my stomach, it should be my beautiful daughters and my amazing partner but it's not. At all, ever.
Every day, every single day and I just want it to stop now.
At 23 I should be enjoying my life and I don't. I want to so much but I just don't. There's always this thing ruining every moment for me.
Every morning the first thing I do is stand in front of the mirror and check what yesterday's workout did to my stomach. All through out the day I find myself standing in front of the mirror checking and pulling and prodding. Every day with out fail.
I caught the fitness bug and work out every day trying to fix it. I do circuits and ride my exercise bike every day but I have problems with my knees and I'm currently awaiting xrays to find out whether or not I'll need surgery as I can't run or do squats or lunges at all without severe pain.

I'm trying so hard with what I can do and nothing is helping.
I spend hours looking at before and after pictures and on bad days the tears won't stop at all. I can't. It physically hurts too deep for me to forget about it. It's always there.

I don't know what to do any more so I'm doing this and I'm ashamed of myself. I was raised to take care of myself, fix things myself but I can't with this. I don't know what else to do.