Recently I won a competition for a bungee jump/swing (as I’ve got a slipped disc I’m going to have to do the swing not the bungee). Instead of doing it for nothing I’d like to try and raise some money for Dundee women’s aid! This is a local charity very close to my heart who do a tremendous amount of work to help women and children across Dundee and tayside that have been a victim to any form of domestic abuse. Money raised will help towards making this Christmas as special as possible for women and children in refuge escaping violent partners.

For years I was in an extremely destructive relationship with someone and during that time I was regularly subjected to a variety of emotional, mental and physical abuse. Every day I walked on eggshells, living in fear of saying or doing something that might trigger an aggressive response. Many people might wonder why I, or anyone else for that matter, would stay in this kind of relationship, but by the time I fully recognized what was happening, I was already badly emotionally and mentally weakened and debilitated.

I was living in fear waiting for the next moment I would be attacked and yet I did not feel as though I had the strength or courage to remove myself from it. Abuse isn’t always easy to recognize. Often it seems invisible, as you feel as though it slowly poisons your mind so you don’t trust your own judgment anymore. I felt as though I didn’t have the coping skills necessary to get help or leave. Most of the time I pretended to myself that the abuse wasn’t as serious as it was, maybe I was being dramatic, maybe it’s normal for your partner to throw a glass at you, to head butt you and burst your lip? Take a knife to your throat or tell you to take your clothes off and point out areas of your body that were ugly or ‘too fat’. I would sit and try and convince myself that this behaviour was okay and it was somehow all my fault.

By the time I walked away, I thought that the nightmare was over. But in so many other ways it had only just begun.

The terrors of torture and torment that had become my normality didn’t end. They remained alive and I relive them in regular flashbacks and nightmares. At times I feel like I will never be able to let go of some of the things that happened to me. Slowly but surely Ive rebuilt myself, gained old friendships back that were torn apart, found my true self that was lost for a long time, and learned to trust people once again. There are still days that it haunts me, but there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel and although it can be difficult to believe you can leave and you can get out, and things will get better again!

I am doing this not only to raise money for the charity but for myself, my friends, family members and all other women and men who have ever experienced any form of domestic abuse at the hands of a partner. This is to show everyone that there is help, hope and life after any form of abuse and it doesn’t define who you are!

I hope I can gain your support with any kind of donation big or small! Thank you so much for reading, I hope my story can reach whoever it needs to 💛