My dream of holding my own child.

I was born with a deadly disease and my parents were told that my chance of survival was minimal. I survived through the odds and unfortunately due to all the surgeries that I went through this resulted in my fallopian tubes being blocked. Doctors cannot unblock my tubes as there is too much adhesions around them and any attempt is a high risk to my life.

All that I have ever wanted is a child of my own , to finally see a positive pregnancy test , feel a child inside me. My husband and I have been trying for 20 years . I have thrown everything that I can at IVF my family have also helped unfortunately all of this has not resulted in my child.I have now found out that I have other underlying issues and the ARGC at London are hopeful that they can help and treatment will cost £15,000. Time is not on my side my body clock is ticking away. If I was to stand any chance of a successful cycle I must start ASAP.

I don't remember the last time that I slept without crying , the last time that I was happy. My heart aches for my own child.

Society and in-laws have not made life easy for me either I am constantly put down and made to feel as a failure to womanhood.

My husband who is the love of my life has gone and had a child with another women. His excuse was that he needs his own blood child one that I cannot provide. He didn't give a thought to me , didn't think that as a women I thought that becoming a mother was my birth right which I took for granted. My tears , my love did not matter to him . All that mattered was his family telling him that he should leave me and start fresh with a fertile women !

If you can please find it in your heart to help me with however much you can I would be eternally grateful for this. This a debt that I can never repay all that I can do is prayer that the hope & wish that you have in your heart gets fulfilled.

I am wearing a pair of shoes

They are ugly shoes , uncomfortable shoes and I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes they are looks of sympathy. I can tell in other's eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman whose only dream is to have and hold her own child.