Weʼve raised £0 to Help me see a private psychiatrist, as constantly failed by NHS
- Littlehampton, United Kingdom
- Closed on Tuesday, 16th January 2018
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Hiya, My name is Beth and from the age of 13 ive been involved with many different sectors within Mental Heath.
When i was 8 years old i started to her a voice in my head who called himself Nigel. Nigel is very controlling, he would scream and scream when i left the house and he told me i was never safe. He made me do certain things to hide him from my family like holding my finger on a lightswitch and saying my name 3 times or telling me i had to sing for him, i would sing for hours and hours until he was satisfied. He told he has cameras everywhere in my house and that spies would follow me everytime i went out. I became very isolated from my friends and my family. It was almost like i was in his world and not mine, i felt very spaced out everytime i could hear him.
Being 8 at the time i was extreamely worried but didnt feel i could ask for help as i believed id be laughed at. At 13 i finally opened up to my God mum as i was missing a lot of school and scared to leave my house and started having Panic Attacks. We went straight home and
explained it all to my mum.
Not only did i suffer from this but i suffered with extream panic attacks and severe mood swings, mood swings so quick i could be fine 1 minute then the next ready to fight and fight and fight.
When my mum found out we went straight to the doctors who then refered me to a Mental health specialist at CAMHS. I dont remember much from this visit although i remember they were not helpful. They did send me to the Early Intervention Psychosis Team (EIPT) which was really tough for me and Nigel did not like this idea and made my life hell. But at the same time i didnt want them to take Nigel from me as he was extreamly caring and nice sometimes.
Anyway, i went to the EIPT and they told me it was anxiety and that he was replacing my dad and told me he would go away soon. He didnt.
I did counselling and everything they asked of me and he was still there but for some reason the Drs did not want to carry on any treatment. They put me on anti depressants and off i went. No Anti depressant worked for me at all. This whole situaton with Nigel was basically forgotton and i carried on life alongside Nigel. Things got easier but when he is screaming at you whilst you take a Maths Exam is not easy at all.
Ive been on Anti depressants for about 5/6 years now but as ive grown older i have come into contact with other problems. My mood. I was horrible to everyone mainly my Mum and Boyfriend and was constantly at the doctors. My Doctor knew something was wrong and sent me to an Adult Mental health service called PepperVile. This is where my main problems start.
For a while now i get homicidel thoughts and constantly want everyone to feel the hurt i feel inside. My mood switches from extreamly elevated and hypo and energetic to feeling incredbile anger to wanting to seriously hurt people.
PepperVile did nothing to help me,, they told me i dont need their services and to be on my way. So back to the DRS and they are adament i may have unstable personality disorder or Bipolar and refer me back again for them to do the same thing.
The next meeting i had with them i lost my temper and it seemed they were finally listening, the DR came back in the room with a prescription forr Quetiapine an Antipsychotic and told me i may want to kill myself but to ring the Samaritans if that happens and be on your way. Now my mum was furious as they did not set up a reveiew appointment or anything for such strong medication. So was I.
The good thing though is they worked a treat, a much level Beth it was good.
I was then refered back to PepperVile as i should be under them on such strong meds.
During this time i had an Episode of some sort where i completely lost it and severely scratched at my face lucky not to leave scars. Then i had another episode where i was ready to kill people, pure anger, i scared everyone including myself and ended up outside on the floor rocking myself to which my mum found me.
Back to Pepperville i end up with a lovely DR who strongly believe i had Borderline Personality Disorder and has refered me to many different places to see psychologists and psychiatrists and the EIPT. To which all point blank refused to see me. My Doctor also refered me to the emergency Crisis team as i may have needed to be hospitalised. The Crisis team refused to see me as i was not "stabilised" to which pure fury came out as the whole point of the Crisis Team is for emergency unstable peope!!!
Now im absolutely stuck at a dead end as NO ONE will see me or give me a diagnosis.
I just want a diagnosis so i can go to counselling etc but know what im being treated for.
Basically my ask of you guys is to help me see someone Privately , not through the NHS. Private costs around £300 a session and i only work part time as im a Psychology student who wants to make peoples lives like mine BETTER.
So if you have anything you could give, every little helps and ill be forever greatful.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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Littlehampton, United Kingdom
Hiya, My name is Beth and from the age of 13 ive been involved with many different sectors within Mental Heath. When i was 8 years old i started to her a voice in my head who called himself Nigel. Nigel is very controlling, he would scream and scream when i left the house and he