i am taking part in an 8 mile charity walk for NHS Mental Health Services. As of June I have been suffering crippling anxiety and OCD, getting out of bed in the morning is a victory in itself. OCD isnt all cleaning i have spent months convinced i am dying of a drug overdose absolutely terrified i have taken drugs and nobody knows and i will die even thought iv never taken them. Retracing my memory is a regular occurence on a daily basis because im convinced iv ran someone over and just forgot about it (i feel like her off Girl on the Train), or iv killed or hurt a loved one and conveniently forgot for hours until suddenly i "remember" i havent of course but the feeling of terror is so real i believe it. I spend countless nights terrified i wont wake up but also not wanting to. everyday is a constant battle with my own mind. The reason i am doing my charity walk is to raise money for the NHS mental health service, i have been waiting for 7 months for counselling, and only recently have actually received any help. days i have spent hysterical over nothing crying for no reason and to no end just wanting it all to stop but receiving no help isnt good enough id like to think the service could improve so nobody else has to get to the point of feeling theres no help or nowhere to turn.
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