Weʼre raising £12,000 to Help my boyfriend with his depression.
- Birmingham, UK
- 16 days to go
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Please help me, help my boyfriend Carl. Carl is a sufferer of depression and has been since the age of 13. He is now 27 and it has gotten much worse.
The photo is of Carl at Christmas dressing up as Peter Capaldi's Doctor. For some odd reason he added whiskers.
Carl is the most caring, compassionate and selfless person I know. What most people don't know about him, is that he suffers with depression and anxiety. He cares so much about others that he makes it his duty to only reveal such darkness within him, he will do anything to prevent it happening to anyone else.
For once, I would love for something good to happen to him. This is why I am here. For those who don't want to read the full story, my partner is a very talented actor but his biggest barrier in front of him is himself. Not only because his confidence is at all time low but also because he cares more about putting others in front of his own wants and desires. In order for him to pursue his dream and help fight them demons he keeps locked inside, I would like for him to attend and complete a masters in acting at university.
Here is the story:
All of his life so far, he has been following his head and not his heart. Carl lives a life of regret. As suggested before, Carl is a sufferer of Depression and Anxiety, where both have held him back from pursuing his passion and talent in acting. At the age of 19, he had the choice to follow either follow his heart and study acting or follow his head and study film studies and become a teacher. He ignored his passion and chose the "sensible option" because the "life of an actor is unstable" and he wanted to make sure that I was the main priority.
No matter how much I tried to tell him, that acting was his calling and that it was the only thing that made him happy, he chose to follow his head.
All through uni, I could see that he had made the wrong choice and although he wouldn't admit it, he wasn't happy. I know he wanted to drop out but feared the kind of backlash people get when they throw in the towel. He now has a degree in Film Studies and Screenwriting. Where most would proudly display their degree, his is in an envelope he received on the day at the back of a wardrobe. It's not because he's not grateful but I know it serves as a reminder of what he gave up. A reminder of the one thing that made him happy.
At the age of 23, we both graduated. He jumped straight into a job he never liked. His plan was to finish uni and jump into the world of amateur acting as a way of keeping that passion at bay. A year had gone by; and that flame had disappeared. His plan to get onto that stage had diminished out of fear. Falling deeper and deeper into his depression until finally one day he tried to confronted his demons. The following week, he auditioned for the local amateur theatre and got a part!
I remember seeing him on stage for the first time, and just looking at him, I could see the old Carl I used to know. The person who had passion and a flame for something. He was happy for the first time in a long time, and he knew it too.
He has now been at this theatre for 3 years and has been in 5 plays! Each time growing in confidence. His love for acting has grown. He continues to do a job he absolutely hates. Every time he comes back from work a piece of him seems to have disappeared. Last week I discovered how unhappy he was. Carl had been self harming for the past few months. Cuts and bruises were hiding underneath his t-shirt. His demons are stronger than ever and have taken on a form of punishing himself. It absolutely killed me inside to see such a broken man that had worked so tirelessly to care for everyone else, sobbing that his secret had been discovered.
This is where I come in. No longer, can I see this demon destroying Carl and his passion. Him being able to pursue his dream that he has tried to bottle up and forget would absolutely change his life. Most importantly I want to see him smile.
He has come over so many obstacles in his life and for once I want something good to happen for him. I 100% believe that acting is the path that no only does he want to pursue, but needs to pursue. You maybe wondering how I know this? and I can answer with one word. Happiness. For the first time in a long time, seeing him recently perform at his theatre, he was happy. When he was on that stage or in front of that camera, he was happy. Them demons inside his head, have absolutely no power or voice when he is in his element.
Currently he works a 9-5 job in an office. He such a creative person, and such enviroment is absolutely sucking every ounce of life out of him. He would describe it as "It's a job at the end of the day".
Yesterday we received an email regarding the hours that this Masters course will be. The answer we got was very disheartening. Our entire plan was hoping that the course would be a maximum of 3 full days, leaving him the days to get a job to support himself. However the response I got back, was that the course would be Mon-Fri every week, with a typical day being 8am - 6pm. I have never witnessed the flame and excitement go out of someones eyes as fast as him. His entire prospect just shattered within seconds. Of course he played it down very convincingly but just looking into his eyes, I could see the just how beaten down he was. I have offered to support him whilst attending, but being so prideful, and not wanting to put any form of that pressure on me, he has decided that it is for the best to just carry on how he is going. He continues to do overtime at a job is slowly killing him, day in day out and when it is available, even works on his days off, to try and save up.
I am not the type to ask for money and the very idea of doing this, makes me feel very ashamed and embarrassed but I need to do this for him.
I am hoping to raise the money for him to start his masters in acting in September and the money would be used to help support him financially, so he wouldn't have to worry about the idea of pressure being put onto me. He would absolutely hate the idea of me doing this but it's about time he was looked after.
Thank you for reading, I do really appreciate it.
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