To start with, on October 15th I will be running the big fun run 5k with my 2 daughters in memory of Autumn.

We will also be looking at other fundraising events which i will keep you all updated with.

We are raising money for a wonderful awareness/support group who are trying to become an established charity -Little heartbeats, and Bedford hospital Neonatal Unit who helped care for my daughter Autumn Willow who sadly passed away after 6 short hours with us due to being born premature with underdeveloped lungs.

When I found out I was pregnant it didn’t cross my mind I wouldn’t be bringing my baby home, and why would it? I had 2 previous healthy pregnancies 2 beautiful daughters Ruby aged 7 and Amber aged 4 so this time round I took it for granted it would be the same again. I have now learnt do not take things for granted!

I had the usual morning sickness, well to be honest it was all day sickness I never thought It would end! as the sickness started to peak I started to have episodes of bleeding, which any pregnant woman will tell you is very scary. This started from about week 7 and continued on and off for about 7 weeks, after 3 early scans and a check-up with the consultant I was advised it was due to a cervical ectropion and was nothing to worry about so would not need any further checks. YIPEE the bleeding had stopped and so had the sickness so now I was looking forward to the wonderful “pregnancy glow”. My 12week scan was the moment I really fell in love with her, I felt great, I could see her perfectly even sucking her little thumb, I could start looking forward to our new arrival and start making plans, I was excited to tell my daughters they would be big sisters, they were super excited when they found out, and told their school friends “Mummy is having a baby, I hope it’s a girl”.

Then at 20 weeks pregnant something happened which I thought impossible, I woke up and water gushed, could this be my waters breaking? It was confirmed at my scan, the sonographer’s words I will never forget “there is no amniotic fluid around baby”, I felt sick with worry, what will happen? What does this mean? So many questions I needed answers to. I had to wait 3 days before seeing a fetal medicine consultant, as I’m sure you could all imagine this was the longest 3 days ever!!

Finally, the day arrived for us to see the consultant, it was not good news, he confirmed the membranes around baby Autumn had ruptured and there was no fluid, we were advised that due to this the chances of her lungs being developed was uncertain, only 50% due to the time when membranes had ruptured, survival was unknown and very much dependent on when she arrives and how her lungs had developed, we were devastated my heart sunk! I could go into labour at any time, chance of infection was extremely high which could be fatal for me as well as Autumn I was so scared. The next 4 weeks consisted of weekly blood tests, antibiotics, fetal monitoring and scans I was scared to move, wanted to stay laying down to keep her in, I should have been enjoying pregnancy buying new things, but I couldn’t do any of it. We had to tell our daughters that Autumn was poorly inside my belly and needed looking after I felt it was best to let them know. As the weeks started passing I was feeling hopeful I had read a lot of positive outcomes which kept me going.

Then on the 21/7/2017 exactly 4 weeks after my waters breaking I was rushed in for an emergency section due to placental abruption I was terrified! Baby Autumn Willow was born and she was alive! taken straight from me and rushed to the neonatal team. After a couple of hours once I was out of surgery and recovery I was taken to see Autumn WOW she really was perfect and so small 1lb 6oz, she was ventilated on 100% oxygen and not making any progress, this is when I was told there was no chance they had tried all they could Autumns lungs had not developed there was no more they could do. NO MORE!!

Unfortunately, we didn’t get to bring our daughter home, Ruby and Amber never got to meet their sister, Autumn passed away in my arms a few hours after being born, 6 short hours of life, a lifetime of love.

The nurses and midwifes were amazing, so caring and compassionate Autumn stayed with me in the “butterfly suite” in a special cool crib for 2 days which was lovely and very unexpected. We made memories for them 2 days her clothes where changed, hand and foot prints taken, molds taken of her feet and lots of cuddles.

After PPROM was confirmed, I searched the internet for help (not always the best thing to do I know) I came across http://www.little-heartbeats.org.uk For those of you that don't know this is a fundraising group hoping soon to become a charity, set up to help generate awareness of Preterm, Prelabour, Rupture Of Membranes, or PPROM. Without little heartbeats I would have been at a loss the support and guidance which I received and ongoing support has been amazing.

Autumn Willow Boyden – Too Beautiful for Earth