Where does this story begin? Was the decision to pass the din into dubious hands motivated by more than just an attempt at multiculturalism? Could it be suggested that the forbidden love between two best friends proved to be the driving force? What if the din were in Bristol? A city of progressive attitudes and liberal types, would the charged embrace of two illicit lovers be overlooked? We shall never know.

The Din must return to its rightful home. But who are we hoping to help?

We are a sorry bunch; that much can be agreed upon and many of us in desperate need of emergency funding.

I, a man, standing at a mere 5 feet and 9 inches tall beset with legs measuring in at over 107 inches, cursed never to adorn fitting trousers. Would I benefit from the great riches you fine people will raise? Undoubtedly, but this money is not for me.

Possibly our good friend Jawj? Ever plagued by rampant and incurable genital hyperplasia. A phalloplasty may be his only hope.

How about Big Jonno, Russell, Jesper...take your pick. On the run and fighting extradition to the great white abyss of Canada. Could we successfully fight the numerous counts of assault by urination? Would we want to? Or shall we just do our utmost to derail his feeble attempts at a respectable lifestyle.

Could Sam "Coolio" Hodor benefit from a community outreach program into the valley of the shadow of death? Or is it too late? And whilst we're sitting laughing it's his body lined in chalk?

Wabz is bald. That we cannot argue. There just isn't anything left to save.

Maybe we should look beyond this mortal realm and remember those of Christmas dins passed. Gone, but not forgotten Jam Yang. A bust might be a fitting tribute taking pride of pace at the top of table 2.

There might be someone more in need than we've considered so far. The Tories reign supreme and austerity is still in full swing. Budget caps and bedroom tax, how can we help our dear Smudge keep up his Gatsby-esque lifestyle? I fear this is far beyond the wealth of you or I. Would it even be possible to crowd fund a job, no less a career? Lest we find ourselves subject to a channel 5 deep cover exposé on benefits cheats and misappropriation of charitable funds.

Sadly, the two in need are much more pathetic than anyone mentioned. Give generously and bring Al & Sergeant Jane Big Linn to Edinburgh for Christmas Din 2018.

#hagturkpud