Weʼve raised £0 to go towards our son's headstone and to work towards improving care of PPROM patients
- Nottingham, UK
- Closed on Tuesday, 7th August 2018
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I wanted to share my story of PPROM. I hope to enable others to feel as though they can talk and that they aren't alone, that's very much how I felt knowing that it only occurs in a very small percentage of pregnancies past the 12 week mark.
We lost our baby boy when I was 19 weeks pregnant. It truly was the most traumatic time I've experienced in my life.
I woke up at about 23:30 with what I thought was just my IBS (stomach cramping). I got out of bed half asleep and went to the toilet. After about 20 minutes and no relief I stood up to go back to bed and water gushed from me. I was soo confused! I didn't know what was happening, although deep down I think I did, I just didn't want to believe it.
I woke my partner and after calling 111 explaining what had happened and explaining the contraction type pain that I was getting, we rushed to the hospital.
After a 2 hour wait in A&E regardless of them being aware that my waters had broken! I was finally taken to the early pregnancy unit where I was examined. This it's self was a rollercoaster of emotions. Firstly, a doctor used a Doppler to try and hear the baby's heart beat. To our relief, she found our boys heart beat! Beating loudly and as strong as always. We cried tears of joy. To then be told 30 minutes later after a cervical examination that my cervix was open and that the umbilical cord was visible. They explained that my membranes had ruptured and that the chances of our baby surviving was less that 1%.
We were devastated, I couldn't accept what was happening, my baby boy was alive and moving around as normal.
I was admitted onto a ward and monitored closely for signs of infection. I felt like every nurse, doctor and consultant that I saw was telling me the same thing. And although true, I wished not to hear it. Because I showed no signs of infection, I was offered the chance to continue and go into labour naturally, with the doctors words that my baby may live for only a few seconds or not make it at all.
Part of me was hoping and wishing that if I didn't go into labour straight away that he may have grown stronger each hour and could have had more chance of surviving. After reading many instances where this had been the case, I refused induction and just prayed for a miracle.
The next day (Friday), I was booked in for an ultrasound to see if anything showed the reasoning behind my PPROM. To the doctors' surprise, my boy was still moving around and living as though nothing had changed. However, the sonographer explained that there was no amniotic fluid left surrounding the baby. The doctor went on to continually assure me that as there was no fluid, my baby's lungs would no longer continue to develop. I was taken back to my ward and again began waiting.
On Saturday at 13:30 they again used the Doppler to see if the baby still had a heart beat; he did. Part of me was happy but knowing that we were waiting for the inevitable made it extremely difficult. I was being told to walk around as it may quicken the onset of labour; I still didn't want this to happen because I just didn't want to accept it. I went to sleep and woke up to severe contractions again early on Sunday morning at about 5am.
My contractions were nothing to go from as an indication of labour as they had been coming since Thursday night, getting as close as 2 minutes apart and then going again for hours. This time something was different, it felt as though there was something stuck in my vaginal canal, however after telling the nurses and doctors, they were adamant that nothing was there.
At around 8:20 the nurse brought me a commode to sit on in my side room just incase anything changed. Although, I think this was just to quicken my labour. Just as she was about to leave the room, it all happened. I gave birth to my baby boy just 4 minutes later, after 57 hours in slow progressive pre term labour. He had already passed away.
And is if all of this wasn't enough, I was greeted 30 minutes later by a consultant whom explained that due to my placenta not coming away naturally, that I may have to be taken into theatre.
She first tried to remove this with her hand. It was extremely painful and due to not being on an actual labour suite I was limited to pain relief (I couldn't even have gas and air whilst in labour). With no luck, and an hour passing, I was sent into theatre as an emergency from the risk of haemorrhage with a retained placenta.
I will never, ever forget the 3 days that I spent in hospital, the sadness and heartbreak on my partners face and the immediate heart break and emptiness that I felt and still do feel to this day. But I will also remember my baby's perfect fingers and toes, how his features resembled my own and the love I felt and still do feel for my son.
He had a beautiful funeral and I will truly hold him in my heart forever.
We managed to give him a beautiful send off with the support of friends and family, we just wish to be able to give him a beautiful headstone. I also want to raise awareness of PPROM in pregnancy and work towards improving the care and support in hospitals, i feel as though there is soo much that could be improved.
Any donation would be a massive help and if you do not wish to, I still thank you for taking the time in reading our story.
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