To be clear to friends and family, who were so incredibly generous when we did this under two years ago, please keep your wallets in your pockets and my families who too have been so kind and again so generous, i suspect some may still be abit naughty, but please resist 😀 x

To those of you from wider circles like the carpentry talk group who were the motivation to create this page, i would like to thank you in advance for offering and being so kind please dont feel obliged to do much, a fiver would be great and im sure with a number of people the girls could get a nice day out or do something special ❤

sorry for starting on that note almost but i wanted to be as clear as possible, and i will be relatively brief in the details here, as with the unexpected change in circumstances 10+ days ago im not oozing energy and days are flying by a little too fast, and i must devote as much time to my kids as possible! whilst too maintaining facebook, whatsapp, and I'm desperately trying to not over do it each day, and monitoring my health closely.

For more thorough details and posts please feel free to visit my facebook account https://www.facebook.com/d1fferent ( failing that search for Gary Ames UK Surrey ) and alot of the recent months are public so please do check them out, i will update on here of course, but with how limited my time is, i was slightly reluctant to do this incase i took too much on! However being in this unfortunate ( understatement ) position, i would do anything to ease the load on my lovely girls and give them something to look forward to, perhaps once the dust has settled 😀

But anyway, this will slightly be the long and the short of it this time round, as i just don't have the juice to sit at the pc for great lengths on of time anymore ❤

So our unfortunate journey and my diagnosis of stage 4 bowel cancer started around this time, almost exactly 3 years ago even 😥 and there is going to be some chilling facebook memories about to slap me in the face with the reality stick..!

After a few months leading up to this "anniversary" id previously had a high amount of blue light admissions to A&E, spent weeks at a time in various wards with many a doctor baffled as to why i was suffering vomit inducing pain spikes and i couldn't keep next to any solid food down, id spent about 5-6 weeks with the working diagnosis of crohns disease and was pumped full of steroids ( devils tick taks, vile lil things everybody hates!! cant quite remember the name, but if you know you know.. ) and was on a strict liquid only diet and using supplemental drinks 4/5 times a day, had pretty much every scan available and many of most ( ct, mri, ultrasounds ), bloods too many times a day and i was still very much in and out hospital until they performed both colonoscopy and endoscopy on different days and the last one revealed a big ball of bad "resting" between my little and large intestine right on the junction as it were and was immediately viewed as cancerous, and confirmed by the biopsy taken during the scope.

Because of my situation and being on steroids i was faced with two options, have surgery the following day and have a temporary stoma or wait 4!!! weeks to ween off the roids and live with the stage 4 tumour inside of me, so i was booked in the next day! No hesitation, i couldn't live another day with that thing after the months of pain it had caused me!

Surgery went well and i was seen pretty much first in the day, and was in recovery by mid afternoon, once with it i was abit sore, but the nurses were great and i met some right characters and lovely people at ESH!

On the 18th of August, no more than 5 days after my surgery we got news none of us expected, and i was presented with two policemen at the end of my hospital bed at 3am, informing me lisa was in a bad way, and in icu, heavily brain damaged 💔

My eldest Lauryn and sister in law Steph were soon with me and we went to visit lisa in ICU, and that day was rough, Lisa's friends came to see her, and sadly her dad didn't make it in time before she slipped away early evening, as he was traveling from Scotland 😭

Ella & Charlee, my younger of the trio were actually staying with my auntie Kate when it happened and were kept isolated from it all until i could tell them, and once i was ready to leave the hospital myself and take them home.. we broke the news in a lovely side room of the hospital and they made it as nice as it could be for them, and the best place to tell them, otherwise they may of felt differently if told at home etc, i was guided by a lovely charity called Jigsaw who helped with everything and how best to tell the girls properly and to be honest with them and they gave me the tools ive used in the following years to do what i can to help with the grief of losing their lovely mum, regardless of the prep as you can imagine it was the hardest day of my life, well possible recent events one a of few now 😥 but it was heart breaking.

I will slightly prune the following 2 years to keep this simple, and give me an easier task, as I'm waning abit already 💚

Once returning home for a week ( we stayed with some very close friends and it was very much a safe place for us all, a home from home where we'd spent alot of time with a very special family x ) and was the best "neutral" place to just deal with the news at the hospital and be surrounded by love and luxury almost, and we were very spoilt and well looked after, and we had a short time at my lovely flat in newdigate and then moved over to my dads when it became clear i was going to need alot of help when chemo/treatment began.

At the hosptial during my leave i saw Dr cummings and the following weeks began to get info about the follow up from my surgery and my case was picked up via Guildford in the hands of Dr Cummings for future cancer related treatment and before i left i understood i would of needed 6+ months of chemo just to make sure they "got it all" and it wouldn't return 🤞 however during surgery a biopsy of my peritoneum revealed the cancer had spread to it and i was deemed incurable off the bat! 😥 but i did my best to not dwell and focus on helping my girls deal with what had just happened x

The following year of treatment went well and i was on the gold standard for my type and location of cancer, the dreaded folfox! incredibly strong chemo and the harshest i ever endured! I responded really well and we stopped after the planned cycles to give my body a rest, as it took its toll and its side-effects were cumulative! so mega cold sensitivity and numbness were of just a few!

We were lucky to be living with my dad and at the point it was just me and ella and Charlee for the majority as Lauryn was staying with a very close family to her and us and they were amazing supporting her after losing lisa! But i badly needed his help around the house and as i didn't function for 7/10 days because of the chemo! and once you get back to being abit human, you back go back in for more.. i literally hibernated for days during that stuff!

After nearing 9-10 months at my dads we were awarded a nice 3 bed family home for me and three girls and soon were living the dream almost..., the house and location is perfect and its defiantly a silver lining to our struggle with cancer and everything else ( Social / council type ).

Over our first year and half here, and as you can probably add up, Covid landed like nuclear bomb and because of my health and treatment, i was deemed one of the many extremely clinically vulnerable and it scared the complete snot out of me, probably abit too much looking back, but the girls took precautions and my eldest had to leave college early ( studied from home ) and forfeit her job at a care home, because they were pretty bloody high risk places.. and I'm grateful for all the sacrifices and efforts everyone went to keep me out of harms way, and i still haven't caught it ( tempting fate i know.. touched me head !! ). Like many covid threw a complete spanner in the works when it came to varying elements of my cancer treatment and i wont beat on about it, as its something id rather leave in the past and ive recently escaped that storm cloud of doom and gloom that followed for far too long, and i was fortunate that only a couple of treatments were actually not given, some after excessive delays and stuff, but i wont go on about it x

Fast forward to this year, almost.. and life wasn't looking great, and in late Jan / Feb i was told by Guildford we'd exhausted all possible treatments available as standard, but they would urgently refer me to the Marsden for a possible phase one trial, and it was what i needed after some pretty naff months with a handful of treatments failing in the previous year (s).. and gave me some much needed hope ❤

Unfortunately, for whatever reason it took them 7+ weeks to get my urgent referral over which apparently was done the day we talked about it.. but as mentioned the storm cloud! 🤣 so i wont beat on about it.

After the referral was in Sutton Marsden's very capable hands things picked up and i was soon in for an assessment, few check-ups ( bloods, ecg etc ) and within weeks of signing consent they had all planning in front of me for the coming treatment plans, scans, biopsies and my god these people were good with communication like a few times a week at some points !!!

And i knew i was in safe hands, despite and the risk and small chance of success, but i used that as my rule for how i hoped the year would pan out....! And felt it was my ticket to Christmas hopefully, as i knew with the way things had gone without treatment since February, i wasn't going to last long at which the rate Boris the bump grew and other issues had begun to surface..! I did of course want to try to contribute what i could towards improving others lives with cancer, and i knew i may not see much or any benefit, but something could be learned i hope and may help them in years to come in this battle of light and dark 🤞

During the coming month(s) and the commencement of the trials, id shared parts of my journey with an amazing collection of tradies on facebook, the Carpenters Talk Group! and i shared most stages of the journey in the past but not posting the more troublesome periods where covid just made life abit 💩 and the members are second to none, were abit rough on the edges or from completely different walks of life, but the support has been bloody incredibly and as mentioned at the start, almost the sole reason for this second justgiving attempt and many would love to be able to help if they can, and i will do anything for my girls, even if it means i can't walk for an hour after writing this 😅

Anyways, early cycles and treatment were going great, i hardly suffered with any side effects, just a few slightly unfun liver biopsy's and I'm very happy to not be having any more of them !!! and the doctors, staff, everyone everywhere were lovely caring people who clearly enjoyed what they did and did "care", and i grew to know a good number well by the end of the line as it were! ❤

So this is where the whole game plan went completely upside down, stamped on, set fire to, god i don't know how else to describe but it was like being slapped with an artic lorry.. And my world was shattered, about 12~ days ago on the Friday i was due into Sutton for a check-up as usual for my trial with them, and an interval CT scan to assess the treatments effect! Before i left the house i woke with an urgent feeling to vomit ( not something i struggled with at Sutton on the trial ) and promptly threw my guts up in the sink, and like most situations, maybe just me? but i felt better having done so and hoped in the shower to get ready for the taxi due to take me to Sutton! ( I'm just lucky i didn't pull a "sicky" and not go in.. can you imagine 💀)..

Once at Sutton, the receptionist twigged i weren't right and i was not in the waiting room more than a few minutes before one of the lovely doctors asked me into a room and again i threw up very quickly, got it in the sink though!! and she had me on the bed to examine me, and i explained the discomfort / pressure id been suffering with for the past 5 days or so.. with vitals taken it was clear i needed some proper attention and was quickly in a bed with litres of fluids being pumped into me, regular obs and pain relief and bloods taken, but still not comfy and struggling with the 8 hr fasting for the appointment ( standard for weekly blood tests ) and having such an empty belly after emptying it twice some how !!

Around midday i was informed the bloods were back and white cell count was 28 ! ( 5-9? is normal from what i recall ) indicating a serious infection that was verging on life threatening, i had the CT scan, which by chance was booked for the routine appointment and once the results were back we learned of the cause of the injection, discomfort and pressure id been feeling in one go, my bloody gallbladder had got obstructed and was very very swollen and infected and was so bad, there was a chance it could just rupture and i would of likely died shortly after.. and i had i not gone in that morning as planned, and struggled at home, called in sick after the first vomit at home.. i could of died before Monday.. and not in a good.. would of pretty much put me into sepsis / poison shock and that was that... And the professor that broke the news with one of the doctors informed me and my auntie Kate ( she'd ran an overnight kit up to me, when i was apparent i weren't going home that day.. ) that i likely had days to a week left to live, and that i wasn't suitable for general surgery as the stark reality after all the years, my body just wouldn't of been able to manage, and would provide zero benefit for the trauma caused removing it, largely because the obstruction was caused my the cancers progress and i have some very obvious tumours, Boris being the size of a large tennis ball..

With the news i just broke down for a little while, and had a cuddle with my aunt, and begun informing the nearest and dearest, while awaiting an ambulance transfer to Chelsea Marsden! As they wanted the surgeons over there to see if there was anything they could do! But for the most part i thought i was screwed...! I finally got moved over to Chelsea by about 11.30 that night and was soon handed over and meds, fluids etc sorted! I saw a few nurses and one doctor in the night, but i was exhausted so didn't take alot if during that time..!

The Saturday started off well, and I'm pretty sure i had breakfast, but as lunch was arriving i had part of the surgeon team visit me and explain they might have an option and could be performed under local, which was ok.. other than i was mildly scared from the liver biopsy's but i took it with both hands as i knew i was not going to last long without any further intervention and i was responding well to the IV antibiotics leading up to it, so lunch was skipped and by tea i was all sorted with a new very temporary drain poking out my upper abdomen and it was doing a fine job, and the relief was noticeable very quickly.. along with the gunk and puss they removed during the local op !

I was incredibly well looked after and they soon had found me a bed back at Sutton to recoup in for a week, and i was very grateful as it got me abit nearer home so i could have visitors if up to it, and i was surrounded by the lovely staff i got to know during my stays on the trial and they got me a private room, and took such great care of me like i knew they would and i had some special moments with some of the lovely nurses and support staff there ( nothing like that! thank you 😂).

During the week i was again visited by the professor who'd given me days to a week(s) to live, and even though out of immediate danger, my piece of string hadn't got much longer and likely to have weeks, not months or the remote chance of seeing Christmas now, and i will consider myself lucky if i see September, and Ive sworn not to be ticking days off or counting down, and i will do my very best with this extra bit of time Ive been granted to help those closest to me, especially my kids who are currently just 11,13 & 20... and they will be facing the grim future of having neither of their parents much longer.. and trying to find their way in life after probably 3-5 years of hell and its my biggest gripe with the whole situation, my poor kids do not deserve this, not even with what's happens to me their mum alone, but both... 😥 and definitely not in such a short amount of time, and the cracks are showing and were having a hard time dealing with it all knowing our time is so short x

Were pacing ourselves with visitors, as you can imagine there are alot of people wanting to be there for us and see us, ultimately before i pass, but i might not manage everyone as I'm having days off in between just to ensure i don't over do it, and i have a touch writing this ( taken 3 hours... eeek ) but I'll survive.. for now 😎 ❤

Thank you for taking the time to read my waffle and a briefer description of the other years, and if what's on my public profile isn't adding up or you'd like to read more please dm me and i can likely add you as friend on fb for you to see more of the past years! ( please do drop me a message so i know who is requesting and why almost, had a number of totally unconnected people add me in past months and facebook doesn't always say if someone is in the C.T.Group depending on personal settings i guess ) x

Thank you so much to our incredible friends and families, whilst i was never wealthy in the bank, i am in friends and the amazing people who love and care for me and my three little birds are some of the finest people to grace this world.. ( Jesus though, if i could of met Jack Black.. that man is a god 🖖) anyway i random tangent, i must leave it here as i need a bloody lie down now, and an early night is on the cards for sure...! and its only 3pm 😁

Thank you so much to the guys & girls on the carpenters talk group via FB who have encouraged me to do this again, and we are so grateful for anything, please don't feel obliged to donate much, a fiver would be greatly appreciated and im sure with even a small percentage of the group it would be a few quid easily

I'm not greedy and feel slightly ungrateful / cheeky to those who were so generous under 2 years ago! but Ive spoken with many about this dilemma and like ever, my intentions are good and i know many will agree this is a good choice and one last chance to give the girls a nice treat or something to look forward to, maybe even something towards my funeral, but i wont go there! x

Much love from me and the "Mad House" and my three beautiful girlies x

And please do check my FB for the posts during that hellish 10 days!

Much love Gary x