In 2011 I was raped twice by my ex-partner. This went to court; unfortunately the jury found him not guilty. This is when I had a breakdown and had to receive support for the first time from the mental health services for PTSD. Over the following years I spent all my energy trying to heal from the traumas that I had experienced; I was in and out of hospitals, undertook lots of different therapies and made several attempts to end my life. In 2017 I got myself to a point where I finally felt able to move forward with my life and things were going well.

However in September 2017 I had been out for the evening with a friend and at the end of the night I was raped by a stranger. I reported this to the police. Understandably this has caused me huge distress and a recurrence of my PTSD. Not only has it triggered flashbacks and nightmares from the recent assault but it has also triggered them from the previous traumas. As a result this is now my fifth admission to hospital following the attack in September. I suffer with the above as well as numbness, avoidance and hopelessness and on many occasions suicidal thoughts. The reason for my current admission was a result of attempting to jump off a bridge as i feel completely hopeless and feel there is no way out of it.

I am desperate to receive the right support, which is a available in private specialist trauma centres, however these therapies that are used in the treatment of trauma and PTSD are not currently available on the NHS therefore I feel like I am trapped in a vicious cycle of continually managing the issue or crisis instead of trying to treat it and move on.

I am desperate to get my life back and do want to recover from all of this however I feel the current support I am getting is not allowing me to do this. I have a partner and three children whom I am unable to care for and who too are deeply affected by these events. I am also a social worker who loves her job but due to my current mental health I am unable to carry out this work.

I just need a break and someone to help invest in me so that I can finally recover and move forward with my life hopefully with the aim of in the future using my traumas and experiences to help others who may be struggling with similar issues.