This is very hard for me to write.

This is my story of my two eldest children, my beautiful Ellie and George, they are 8 and 6.

This page is not to bad mouth or to cause more hurt than already suffering It is for one purpose.. helping me have them in my arms as soon as possible.

I have not seen my 2 eldest children for 18 months. The last time they went to stay with their Father they didnt come back, he refuses to let me see them and refuses to let me speak with them both.

Ellie and George deserve their whole family, they also deserve to meet their 1 year old sister whom they do not even know about. It is wrong that I am not able to take them back because we both have same rights as parents and unless their father unblocks me and lets me speak with him so we can come to an arrangement the only option i have is the very expensive legal route. I have no contact with the childrens father as he has blocked me and refuses contact, he calls the police to try and get me charged with harrassement Everytime we do manage to obtain phone contact in the past before he changed numbers.

I must go to court to fight for the right to have them back with me or even for simple contact. This costs money and with me being home with my baby and not earning money that can pay for court costs I am slowly saving for the fight. Everyday I watch my 1 year old daughter play, play without her brother and sister. I wake up every morning knowing I will not see my 2 children, I wont hug them, play with them, see them smile, I dont get to talk to them, iron their school uniform and help them with homework!

I need some extra help to really push this through court as soon as I can because too many months are flying by that my beautiful children do not know the truth and they must be very confused.

I have been to social services and the police and cafcass but I am told court or mediation are the only option.

A few months ago I attended a mediation course but the chidrens father ignored the invite to meet me with a mediator so I have the one option left in my hands now.

I didnt lose my children because I was a bad mum, I didnt lose them because I did anything wrong, This was because of the anger my ex had towards me. When people split up there is often conflict and anger, and even though things were hard I didnt once stop the children spending time with their father. The only thing I am guilty of is trusting someone I shouldnt have all because I wanted my children to have both parents in their lives.

I am spending every day heartbroken. I just ask for the help of all the people I know, however small I am truly grateful to you for any donation that will make a difference to how quickly we can see those beautiful faces again!