Help jay be the man that he is

I’m jay and as most of you know iv recently come out as transgender at the ripe old age of 33..

My whole life iv known I was different, I didn’t fit in with the girls, I’d rather be at the park playing football with the lads. I was always one of the lads.

I just thought I was a Tom boy, who clearly bonded better with the guys..as i got older it became more apparent that i was also a lesbian. Which at that time in my life it made perfect sense and I started putting the pieces together of who I actually was..

Anyway many years down the line, I still didn’t fully fit. Iv hated my body for as long as I can remember, and will do all in my power regardless of situation/weather to stay as fully clothed and covered as I possibly can..

For many years Iv only ever had 1 mirror in my home which all I can see in that is from my shoulders up, I’ll never look at my reflection if I don’t have too, I didn’t realise how bad my body dysmorphia was until iv really sat back and looked at everything and the past years.

Anyway, I contacted the doctors and told them about how I was feeling and that I had figured that the real me wasn’t intact the person I or anyone else sees, it’s the complete opposite. I’m a man, everything about me tells me I’m a man, and even my partner is shocked at how it didn’t click for her or myself straight away..So the doctor said she would make a referral for me, once that got passed on I was contacted and told it could take anything between 3-4 YEARS just for a first initial appointment 😞 I’ll be almost 40 by the time i start becoming the real me.

i have found a place online which is a private company and the prices are incredible, but my only problem is I can’t afford the lump sum to start with..

My current home situation is this, I’m currently not working and completely signed off work for health/mental health reasons, I have 3 kids under 6 and very very little income. So i literally don’t have a penny to put towards going private and starting Testosterone.

I feel so embarrassed asking for help, and massively like I’m going to be judged, but believe me every single penny will get me that tiny step closer to helping jay be the real jay he is. Thank you all so much for your huge love and support