I have struggled with mental health issues & admitted this publicly a couple of years ago. I have been attending counselling sessions before lockdown & had an awakening. I have always suffered with anxiety upon leaving the house. I enjoy going on holiday or a day trip or work but always was relieved to get home. I saw those things as something to get over & endure so I could get back to my bubble. I’d often pull out of events (and sometimes still do.) When the kids were smaller it was a bigger issue because I always thought something bad would happen & we were only safe at home, in our routine; except kids don’t do routines & in all honestly life often throws curved balls.

I have lived my anxious life for years & talking with my counsellor about life events - one sticks in my mind. I was horrifically bullied as a teenager. One evening after I had attended Air Cadets, they were waiting for me afterwards. But, it was OK - I could wait in my Dad’s car. He was inside talking & locking up. It was a summer evening & I climbed into his Metro & locked the doors with the push buttons. But, I’d neglected to think of the sun roof. She climbed onto the bonnet & grabbed my hair through the sun roof, she punched me in my face. It was awful. That was just one of many incidents.

So I told my counsellor ‘I wasn’t even safe in my Dad’s car.’ That was my epiphany, in my formative years from age 11-16 I was NEVER safe outside my own home. Always on guard...My safe space has only ever been home & upon leaving it I catastrophise everything. I cope by using routines & keeping tight control over everything - but it need not be like this. I want to keep highlighting the importance of mental wellbeing...

So during lock down I have been using my rowing machine at home. I have challenged myself to row a marathon in one sitting (about 4 hours of rowing.) I have never rowed that distance before, best I have done is a half marathon. I want to raise money for BYCZ who have done some awesome work during these trying times & I have asked them to ring fence any funds for mental wellbeing work / anti bullying work. I hope to complete this marathon on Saturday 6th June.

So please sponsor me, talk about your mental health but above all - BE KIND.