My name is Jodie and I am 12 years old. I am showing severe symptoms of juvenile bipolar disorder (have done for the last 6 years and it's getting worse). I am having a difficult time getting diagnosed and on the correct treatment as NHS Mental Health Services (CAMHS) keeps treating my problems as behavioural rather than medical, and are simply not listening to or taking into account the problems or suicidal thoughts I am having.

My Grandma did the online Goldberg Bipolar Screening Test for me which gives the results of many of the symptoms of bipolar disorder and strongly recommends seeing a psychiatrist for a full assessment. However I cannot get seen by medically trained personnel on the NHS to get a proper diagnosis as the assessors are putting it all down to behaviour. I (nor my family) simply cannot get them to understand that I am not generally naughty but that behaviour is a symptom of this condition rather than the cause.

My family are trying everything in their power to get help for me with no success so far. My Grandma tells me that she loves me so much (I know my whole family does even though I am a bit of a nightmare right now). I am normally a loving, funny, kind and quick thinking little girl, however sometimes I feel like I am possessed and am unable to control my emotions or anger. I have recently been having suicidal thoughts. It is not that I want to die, but something takes over at these times and I try and hurt myself and I know this terrifies my family but I can’t seem to stop it, and it is for this reason that I need to get diagnosed and on treatment as quickly as possible.

So far I have tried to stab myself in the leg with a knife, cut myself with glass and wanted to jump off the landing in the flats my Dad lives in as well as try and jump out of windows (locks have now been fitted to stop me from trying to do this). I also try and hurt family members, not that I want to or mean to, but just like the suicidal thoughts something takes over and I am unable to stop myself. I love my family and don’t want to hurt them.

My family have been fighting to have me seen by a psychiatrist for some time now, but the assessors will have nothing of it, insisting that my problems are behavioural, which in turn means that I cannot get diagnosed by a proper medical psychiatrist and I am feeling badly let down by the system. So far both Children’s Services and CAMHS have let me down and in the meantime I keep suffering with these terrible thoughts, and on top of this I cannot sleep. This is making my Mum really tired and on top of trying to keep me calm my Mum still needs to take care of my younger sisters.

On top of all of this because of my mood swings and behaviour during an episode I am unable to attend school, which means my education is suffering as well. I really wish that I could get help and be able to turn my life around and be a normal child that is able to go out and play, and able to attend school. I know why the schools won’t take me, and I do understand, but I feel so frustrated because I cannot help myself or control this terrible anger.

I would appreciate any donations towards getting proper help, no matter how small, and will be eternally gratefully to all who are kind enough to make a small donation towards my cause. All I want to do is get better.

Thank you all so much in advance.

Jodie