A little piece of mind.

It’s either being unlucky or just bad luck.

Where do I start,

I’m raising funds to ensure my son has security and I have no more worries. For 6 he has already been through so much.

I was diagnosed with Breast cancer at the age of 34. Every day I worry about reoccurrence and not being able to leave my son secure.

I have always wanted to do my best, to make my family proud.

All I’ve ever wanted was to be a children’s nurse, that dream came true.  Not only did it come true but I got the dream job - looking after neonates.

I met my now husband while I was studying, he was in the Army. I completed my training, it wasn’t easy as he completed tours away. We had a strong bond that pulled us together. 

We married and was blessed with the most amazing baby. Two years of breast feeding, weaning gradually surely the lump I found three weeks later was a blocked duct.  I’ll never forget those words ‘I’m sorry, it is Breast cancer’ at 34 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

I’m happy to be alive, of course, but my current life compared to my old one sucks. I mean, I’m still dealing with a lot of side effects.

Since I found my lump it’s been a roller coaster, breast cancer savages much more than breasts. I bear multiple scars in every quadrant of my body. My brain is soup (except when a new ache or itch might be cancer again). I can’t Rollerblade with my son because I fear shattering my bones if I fall. Hormone therapy, which according to the latest research I should endure for 10 years, piles on the insults: stiffening my joints, cramping my muscles, wrinkling my skin and growing hair on my cheeks and chin.

My biggest challenge, though, is staying sane under the pressure to keep all this a secret.. Without oestrogen and progesterone, I’m a miserable, volatile beast. I don’t recognise myself in the mirror, especially if I’m naked, but I don’t feel like myself anymore to begin with, so I guess that works. Or would work, if I lived in my own private universe. In the real world it takes a toll on everybody around me. My husband has lost the woman he married. My son is relearning how to get what he want from me, which sounds cute but is actually heartbreaking.

Sometimes, the hardest part of life after cancer is moments like this, when I wish I could keep the suckiness a secret from people I love.

Trying to settle back into home life and the unbearable happens - Our home was burgled. They didn’t know what we had gone through the last few years, they didn’t care. These criminals had invaded the only safe environment I had. My home is somewhere we could go during/after treatment and feel secure. It no longer feels like this, they have taken the precious place I felt safe. They stole the most sentimental things - these are things that no money can replace - from loved ones no longer with me. The criminals didn’t care, they were in my house for a short time but the effects of what they have done still live with me every day.

I really am beginning to wonder what have I done so bad to keep getting shot down. My husband has now decided to leave, I guess it all got a little to much. Even more so now I need to make sure my little boy is looked after. I have worked so hard despite all that has been thrown at me. I want to be able to provide for my boy and treat him to a nice holiday.