Weʼve raised £0 to raise awareness for mental health & eating disorders
- Closed on Tuesday, 23rd October 2018
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After a rocky, traumatic three years I have decided to share my story. I am no longer in fear of what other people may think of what I have been going through and one goal of mine is to make others realise they’re not alone who may be dealing with the same/similar problem as mine and for them to realise that there is light at the end of the tunnel regardless of the negative thoughts.
I started the school year in year10 as a happy, smart, beautiful girl but my mind thought otherwise. I began to realise what society saw as the ideal woman and wanted to change my lifestyle. I began to eat healthy and exercise. This carried on over two months, I didn’t restrict at all. I was healthy and I could see small progress but this wasn’t enough for my liking.
I began to increase my exercise and eat less and less. I would skip meals and be proud of myself, the lower amount of calories I ate I would feel better about myself and the more I exercised also gave me this ‘positive’ thought but it really wasn’t positive at all. It was worrying.
Later this year I began to take up more disorder behaviours. I thought I was perfecting myself and my body but I was really doing the opposite. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder called bulimia. This crept into my life bringing body dysmorphia, anxiety and depression with it. I had a fear of gaining weight and obsession on loosing it...
This carried on for another two years and recently whilst being in year12 it got so so much worse. I began to develop anorexia behaviours. I would restrict, starve, purge EVERYTHING. I was dying, my heart was failing, it would hurt when I sat down because I had bones sticking out my body, I was obsessed with having a thigh gap, legs that looked like sticks were leading me to having no energy and I was lacking concentration so my grades were falling drastically. I was depressed 24/7, my family were upset, worried and stressing all the time and so were my close mates who didn’t have a clue what was going on ( apart from a few who have supported me and I can’t thank enough ) it was getting too much & too severe.
I chose recovery. 10/05/2018
I had been having therapy for about two years and they were trying to influence my decision but I wasn’t ready. Now I am
I don’t want to go on living in fear
Food is not the enemy
Happiness isn’t a thigh gap
I will reclaim my future
I will be strong not skinny
Calories are just a number
Weight does not determine your self worth
I will be happy again
I am not fully recovered yet I am still on my journey and everyone’s recovery journey will be different. It isn’t easy and I wasn’t expecting it to be but I will get where I want to be eventually and I am NOT going to give up💓
Anyone suffering from a mental illness don’t be scared of fearful to reach out for help, I can assure you it will be worth it in the long run even if it may seem such a scary action to take at the moment.
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