For the last 12 years or so I have suffered from anxiety and depression. Being a man I kept this hidden from the world and chose to ignore it with the hope that it would go away. Being a miserable bastard became the norm. Due to the stigma surrounding male mental health I had no idea there was anything wrong. For years people had told me to go to the doctors and seek help but I always shrugged it off as "there' nothing wrong" or "I'm just tired". For those who don' know anything about mental health these things don' just go away. I shyed away from everything. I became meek and withdrawn. I had to please and impress everyone. My anxiety would make me worry about absolutely anything and everything. The tiniest thing that would even be considered by anyone else. I couldn't say no to anyone and would bend over backwards to make people like me. I took on so much that my condition got worse and worse. I had no idea what was going on. Then on October 2017 my life spiralled out of control. I have a fiance and two children, a house , a dog, a job I should enjoy and rather then see all these things as blessing they became burdens. I had to be in control of everything. I took responsibility for it all. And I got so low that I decided that I couldn't cope with life anymore. I broke down. I left my house with a selection of items and no intent to return. I took myself to a quarry at half 4 on a Sunday afternoon to get as far away from anyone and everything and free myself. I sat there staring in to the abyss for over an hour and the only thought in my mind was how much I love my children and couldn' bear to be apart from them. My babies saved my life. I decided I was going home and needed to speak to someone. I got home and as per usual there's a police car parked down my road. I've got no phone and no keys so I ring the door bell. A police officer opens the door. And that's where my world collapses. Long story short, I then spend the next 15 weeks in prison because they can' think of what to do with me. I've not so much as had a speeding ticket in my boring 32 years. It's a shock. Doesn't help in the slightest. I have now been out of prison for 4 months, am now on anti depressants, have gone back to work and am stuck in the processes of seeing someone to figure out what's not quite ticking properly upstairs. Nothing works. I hate myself. I hate my perfect idyllic life.  With massive love and support from my missus and kids I'm coping. I then decided that what I needed was a bit of my own space. I had thoughts of a camper or caravan that I could buy and do up. (I'm a multi skilled tradesperson). Then due to the fact I don't like people this threw up overall issues. I then had the realisation that a boat is like a caravan on water. (Doh!) And there we are. Due to having probation for the next 2 years I can now only work 4 days a week and have a life to pay for. With 2 kids a house and a dog things are tight as they are so a boat isn' exactly high on the list of priorities. I'e learnt I'm not alone with these problems. So thought I'd reach out and see if anyone could help save a family and a life? Thankyou for reading my issues. I feel a bit better for writing it down.