On May bank holiday Monday 2020 was the day the straw broke the camels back and I just wanted to end it all and give up. I really wanted to end it all as I just felt I could not take anymore.

Myself, my wife Haley and our son Seth wanted to go for a walk up to a local monument which we have done before. It is really hard and normally meant lots of pain and the chance that I would brake something on my chair but the view was worth it when you get to the top. For me this is a very special as it is the last place where I could feel as though I could get up the hills and was not a cripple in chair unable to do anything.There is a small path that is really hard for my chair but at a real push and with Haley and Seth's help I can just about make it to the top as I say I normally brake my chair doing so but it was always worth it.

So what went wrong.They have mended the path by putting loads of gravel and rubble down. This means that there is no chance for my wheelchair which is not designed to go over ground like this to make it. I told Haley and Seth to go on with out me and I would wait for them back at the van.

I did not want them to see what I was feeling inside. This was the straw that broke the camels back. I went back to the van started to cry and just wanted to end it all. Yes I do mean end it all life itself. Just over 12 years ago when I went to bed and woke up and new that something was wrong when I could not feel my legs properly,

Since then I have slowly felt that each day when the pain get worst or I can't do something because of the med's you take or the chair just gets in the way that the light that is inside me gets a bit smaller each time.

On that Monday I felt like that light almost went out. It was just one thing to much and something had to give. Now it might only be a small things but for me it felt like the very last things I could take.

You see for me and for as longs as I can remember I loved more then anything being in the outdoors, being in the wilds, being with nature was amazing and then I met Haley and found someone who loved nature the outdoors go for walks through the woods, on the beach, up the hills just as much as I did it was great.

Since ending up in the chair it has felt that everything I loved to do has just gone and this was the last place I could go and do something I really enjoyed and now that is gone.

There are some great amazing wheelchairs on the market that would enable me to go on the beach, go through the woods, go back packing and even camping. The problem is that they don't come on the NHS and they cost the price of a small car.

I have never asked for help before and being in the wheelchair I have managed all that life has thrown at me but for this I am realising that I need to ask for help.

I would like to raise the money for an 4x4 wheelchair that would enable me to do the things that I want to do. I have seen how crowd funding helps others and after talking it through with Haley we have decided to ask for your help. We are not rich, we don't have savings I'm in a job that does not pay loads and that does not bother me as I love being a vicar and all the joys and lows this brings is amazing but it means there is no other way to raise the funds needed.

I was hoping that you could give just £1 and then share this page with your friends and ask them if they could maybe help by give £1. It would not only benefit me in just getting out into nature again it would also make a difference to my mental state as well. It would give me a purpose to get out and do things when I have time of from work instead of just giving up and laying in bed because there is nothing else for me to do.

I would be very grateful to anyone who would be willing to help us as a family try and raise this money. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and wish you every blessing. Matt