The world has created destruction in many ways. It destroys and creates thus is the circle of life. Yet when the world destroys our thoughts and feelings, our happiness and the love we have for ourselves, then it is up to us to change it.

Very few know how to make those changes or know where to begin.

As we all suffer differently, it can take a lot to repair the damage that life has created for each and every one of us.

From psychological to physical, I wish to help others in ways that will encourage them to never give up on themselves. I have seen the weakest become strong, the fearful to become brave and the unaware to become knowledgeable.

Here is how I have achieved that.

I am going to take you on a small journey through parts my life, to show you how even though I went through my fair share of pain, I managed to pull away from the past and heal from the torment it had to offer.

At 12 years old, my dad suffered a series of major strokes, leading to paralysis of the right hand side of his body and mental deterioration.

At 13 I was saddened to discover, that I could not repair the dead tissue in my dads brain. That at the time, I thought would revive the personality and physical abilities that he and I, both lost. I was not Frankenstein nor a character in a science fiction show. It’s safe to say I lost all faith.

Of course, not being able to mourn the loss of my dad (he was still alive, just different), I very quickly became an angry and depressed young teenager. The helplessness was very real.

My dad had been my hero, yet I could not save him. Only cherish the time we have left.

Other than the eternal love my dad had to offer there was no real incentive to do this. Carers allowance was so little each week, compared to the private carer income. So I very much needed my dad to cover any more expensive costs of living. We needed each other, at least we had each other.

When I was 18/19, I took advantage of my last year free education and became a qualified massage therapist, however once I was in that line of work, I received an email from the company stating they had to let me go, because I kept needing time to look after dad and I couldn’t commit the 12 hour shifts the expected me to work. It was unfair dismissal, but at the time dad was really unwell and I didn’t have the mental capability to fight them on it.

So me being me, I gave up my years to ensure he was always ok. Whether that was giving him physical help, such as cleaning him and cooking for him, or psychological help, by never giving up on him and showing him that I would happily give up all the normal things teenagers do, just to be sure he had company or someone there to help.

From 12 to 25, my life revolved around him and I didn’t even notice me growing up.

I did try to live a normal life around that, but found my commitments to dad, greatly affected all kinds of aspects of my life. From relationships to work, I lost many of both because I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t trust the government to give him the treatments he needed, they just don’t care enough, especially as dad often refused help, by not wanting to feel a burden to anyone, including myself. It really was a challenge convincing him that he needed the help.

In 2013 I experienced some terrible fate. Bad news had befallen me and I had to choose to terminate a 23 week pregnancy. My son Abel was declared to have the worst case of Spina bifida. This would have resulted in him being permanently disabled and unable to learn anything. Abel was the third child I had lost due to unforeseen yet unrelated medical problems.

Heartbroken, I made the painful decision to consider what kind of life he would have, not just as a child but as an adult. Having seen my dad suffer for so long, I chose to end his life. 4 years on, it still hurts, but gets easier with each waking day.

6 months later I conceived my son Jake and 7 months later the father left me and my new bump to grow alone. I don’t blame him, he too was a troubled man.

So finally, it was just my dad and I weathering our storms together, in our dingy and damp council flat in an area which can only be described as an English ghetto.

Words cannot describe how lonely I felt. Yet despite the pain, I pulled through stronger than ever.

Because I was alone, pregnant and looking after my father, dad decided to put himself in to care and demand that I live my life without the worry and stress of looking after him. Well the worries never left, but the stress reduced somewhat.

Having never lived alone or been responsible for my own bills and food, I embarked on a journey to being an independent… with a child.

My son Jake feeding dad grapes. The apple doesn't fall far.

It’s fair to say being alone and about to have a baby, is one of the scariest journeys I have experienced, yet it provided many rewards and surprising turn outs.

Be that as it may, post natal depression snuck up without my noticing, but I wasn’t going to let it consume me. I started to tackle the root causes of my sadness, which greatly revolved around my body image. It wasn’t what people thought that bothered me, but what I thought of myself.

The day Jake was born.

Such horrible and hateful thoughts enveloped me each time I saw my reflection. Thoughts I would never think of anyone else.

I bullied myself in to believing those negative feelings were true. I didn’t want to make the foolish mistake of letting that continue to happen.

So I started to reduce the terrible foods I was eating and find a form of exercise that would help me regain a healthy weight.

I started with a baby boot camp which allowed me to exercise while looking after a 3 month old baby.

This was definitely helpful, but did not encourage my motivation to continue. I was a former coach potato so I needed something more inspiring the keep me going.

Then I discovered pole fitness and my life truly changed. I had drive and passion again. I was happy and loving life for the first time in a long time.

I couldn’t believe the changes that occurred from starting a hour a week pole lesson.

I smiled more and I laughed again. I found inner peace with my diminishing, demonised thoughts and I had the confidence to carry my head high and I look back with pride as I observed all that I had achievement.

Best of all I met the most amazing, supportive and skillful people along the way, all with their own trials and tribulations. The community for pole dancers of an age, sex, or skill level are the friendliest and bravest of them all. Real and genuine people, that love to be themselves.

I never imagined I would be a dancer and I certainly never thought I’d have the strength to take on the challenge that is pole fitness. As I student I look back at what I can do and can even remember those doubts I used to have.

After a year of pole, I was inspiring others as they observed my progress and in August 2016 dreamed an idea to become a teacher and share this rewarding experience with others.

By December 2016, I was fortunate enough to have the funding to pay for a beginners pole instructor course. In June 2017 I did my course and now I am living my dream. I am finally on the path I have chosen for myself and I have work lined up at a lovely Pole Studio local to me.

I have so many great ideas on how to increase and expand my services.

First of all I would like to get driving and to complete intermediate pole instructor training.

I now also wish to become a PT and a yoga instructor, to really give my clients a holistic regime, which promotes and encourages healthy living.

The funding I seek would be to cover the cost of the education and hopefully help towards getting me on the road and driving.

I know there are people much more deserving of money than I, so I thank you for your time reading this far through my life story.

I am determined to make the changes in my life, so that I can help others as I have helped myself. Education is something that I only seem to have wanted since being an adult, yet have never had the resources to attain it.

I spent most of my years helping other people, so it’s all I really know.

I just want to have something more to offer them.

With the education the money would provide, I can offer them a full body workout during their pole sessions, target key areas with the personal training course and aid body correction and mental alignment with the yoga, plus I can assist with a lovely massage should they want to treat their hard working bodies.

I want to give my son a better life than I had and show him that a man can change his stars!

Jake and I attending the Annual True Believers comic con in Cheltenham as Daenerys and her dragon from Game of Thrones