Going through so much at a young age, water infections kidney infections been so ill that I couldn't get out of bed and nobody understood why. I've had ongoing health problems regarding my water works/ urinary problems. Doctors and specialists saying so many things you don't know what to believe. Then it hits you, waking up at 18 years old not being able to pass urine at all, my belly swelling up like I'm about to give birth. My kidney specialist telling me that there's nothing wrong with me medically speaking and there's no reason that I should be in pain and why I'm going into retention!! Going to the hospital for the nurses to say "just go for a wee" like I'm doing it on purpose somehow?! They finally put a catheter in place and I filled two bags from being catheterised, it was scary, I didn't know why it was happening and didn't know what was going to happen. I was sent home with a catheter in place thinking that I'd go back to the hospital to get it taken out and it'd all be back to normal, I couldn't of been more wrong. Nearly a year on and I finally got it taken out, I had to be taught how to self catheterise. I did this everyday for over 6 months.I seeked help from my doctors and they referred me to a urologist, they made me feel like I was putting on the symptoms and or faking my REAL problems. He told me on multiple occasions that there was nothing clinically or medically wrong with me speaking from a urologist point of view. He said there was no reason for me to be self catheterising and that I shouldn't be "messing around with my body" it's unnecessary as I can pass urine by my self according to him. In the end he was going to discharge me from his clinic which I refused and so this pushed him to refer me to someone else, he said I would be seen by a new specialist. This specialist couldn't believe that nobody had helped me and nobody had investigated this further and on the first glance at my notes, he new there was a real big problem. I wondered how can one specialist say there's nothing wrong with me and the other say there is ALOT wrong with my water works and bladder by looking at the same notes and I can only put it down to my old specialist being lazy and ignorant towards me and due to this lack of care my health has got dramatically worse. I was fed up of my own body I was insecure and in so much pain there was many days I felt like giving up but my new specialist has tried giving me the best chance possible since I've been in his care and that's all I've ever wanted, a chance. I wanted a chance to be me again, to be "normal" again!

Then with no warning I got worse and the problem was bigger than anyone thought. At 22 years old I had to have a suprapubic fitted, it was so painful so painful and soul destroying! My specialist told me I had a bladder that was basically flat lining and all my urine output was being forced out with my belly muscles whilst my sphincters didn't open (don't work), I have elements of voiding syndrome, fowlers syndrome, overactive bladder, neurogenic bladder. My brain isn't sending the signals to my bladder to open my sphincters not allowing me to pass urine freely. He said he had never seen such a big problem in a young girl like me....I didn't know what it all meant for me, for my future. He planned to operate, he applied for funding for an operation that could change my life forever. I finally got the £15,000 that I needed from the board of funding these kind of operations for people like me in desperate need. I got the date for my operation, It was all going so well and even tho I was scared I new this is what I'd been waiting for and what I needed to happen. So there I was two days post op, stage 1 sacral nerve stimulation in place for trial for 4 weeks very sore and in so much pain that I can't even express. It was planned for me to have the interstem stimulator fitted in my back/bum (the machine that cost so much money) and then my life would begin....if everything went well, but it hasn't 18 days post op and nothing at all to signal that it's working. The surgery hasn't worked for me, and there aren't any more options left for me on the NHS which was devastating to hear. I want my life back, I don't want a life full of urine bags and pain and appointments and infections. I've been researching about surgery and the only promising surgery that I've found upto now has been researched and proven to work in America, I'm still trying to find someone somewhere closer to home, I'm researching hours on end each and everyday to try and find a miracle!

It would give me the chance to be me again, to live my life like any other 23 year old just with a few adjustments. Of course this would cost a lot of money and so I'm going to set a target which would probably only cover the cost of travel and accommodation whilst I visited doctors and surgeons over there for the initial consultation which the money raised will also pay for. I am also still researching every possible avenue that I could go down to try and make my life a little bit better. I just want my smile back, a smile that has meaning and reason instead of it being forced covering the pain that I'm hiding in my dried tear drops! I would love to be able to wake up and feel happy and feel like me again because I'm finally out of pain and finally free of the misery. Every little really does help and it could change my life forever. Thankyou for taking the time to read my story, even if you don't or haven't donated thankyou for your support.