Laura & Steve’s Story:

Steve and I have been together for 16 years, married for 8 of those.

We have always discussed our mutual want to have children. We know we would be great parents and have so much love to share. So, 7 years ago, we decided it was the time to start trying.

After a difficult 3 & 1/2 years of trying, in early 2020, I finally fell pregnant. Everything was going well and we found out, at the 20-week scan, that we were having a boy. We were delighted and never for one second though that this could go badly. We were having a baby and were actually beginning to make the Wilkes family dream a reality. We even bought a family home, whilst pregnant, with our future family in mind.

However, all of that changed when, at 21 weeks, my waters broke. This was to us, unheard of, and we had no idea what was happening. After diagnosis, and being offered a termination, as there’s no way of knowing if the baby would be OK or not, as the risks of infection and early labour were high; we knew that we could not give up after so long of trying and we decided to continue with the pregnancy. After all, life can’t be THAT cruel, can it?

I had fortnightly tests, to check for signs of infection, and regular scans to check that our baby boy was growing correctly and to see the water levels surrounding him. Although waters were very minimal, they weren’t non-existent and growth was normal. We were feeling more and more positive as the weeks went on.

At 31 weeks pregnant, I started contractions and went into hospital. Labour progressed quickly and I was blue lighted to Brighton hospital, where they have a specialist neonatal unit.

I went into labour naturally and, although a c-section would have been preferred, I was were too far along for this to be possible. I gave birth to our son (who was breach), but he got stuck at his shoulders. After a while of pushing, the Doctors had no choice but to push him back up into my womb and perform an emergency c-section.

Our beautiful son Ethan was born on 16th September 2020 with his heart beating strong, but he was struggling to breathe. After 40 minutes of attempted resuscitation by neonatal and ENT specialists, the Doctors were unable to resuscitate him and he sadly died. After lengthy post mortem investigations, it was found that Ethan’s lungs had not developed since my waters broke. To say we were heartbroken is an understatement.

Whilst we knew we would never forget our son, we knew that we couldn’t give up on our desire to be parents. In the following year, I experienced a very early miscarriage. Although not knowing at the time that I was pregnant, the Doctors confirmed that this had occurred. Not uncommon after the trauma my body had been through.

On Steve’s birthday in 2022, I found out I was pregnant again. Steve had bought me a puppy for my birthday (our amazing, lifesaving Cockapoo Molly), so this was really the only way I was going to be able to top that present! We were so happy. However, the next day, I started bleeding and went into hospital. They confirmed that I was at the early stages of pregnancy, but had suffered a miscarriage.

Although a very rocky road; we were determined not to give up. In August 2022, I fell pregnant again. I was being monitored closely by early pregnancy teams and my community midwife; having more regular checks than a “normal” expectant mother. I was also taking progesterone daily, to help with the risk of miscarriage.

We had the 12-week scan and it was confirmed that everything was looking normal. Many expectant parents, at this stage, would think they are in the “safe zone”, but we were more apprehensive following the loss of Ethan.

At the 20-week scan, in early January 2023, we found out we were having a girl. We were over the moon. This felt so right. Again, everything looked perfectly normal.

A little over a week later, at a routine appointment, our community midwife noticed an increase (but still on the normal scale) to the baby’s heartbeat. Over the course of the next few days and, because we were around the same point where my waters broke with Ethan so extra paranoid, she came to see us more regularly to monitor the heartbeat. On the 3rd appointment, she was unable to find a heartbeat. Knowing that this could just be the position of the baby, but wanting to put our minds at ease, she called the hospital to see if we could go in to have the “better” machines monitoring the heartbeat. The hospital confirmed that we could go in and, because of what we had been through previously, advised they would do a scan, just for reassurance.

We went into the labour ward at the hospital & the Doctor came in to do the scan. After what felt like forever, she informed us that our daughter’s heart had stopped beating. I cannot describe the noise that came out of me at this point, but it’s one that Steve has told me he could never forget.

They did not know why her heart had stopped & we had several Doctors review this (I could still feel her moving, so couldn’t believe that this had happened) but it was true &, over the following few days, I had to have an induced labour.

I gave birth to our daughter Rhia, at 22 weeks pregnant, on 17th January 2023.

The pain that we have experienced after not only having 4 failed pregnancies, but being able to hold our son & our daughter in our arms, is beyond any words we can describe. Not only has my body been through a lot of physical trauma, some of which I am still recovering from now, but the emotional trauma is a whole other level. I have experienced many incredibly dark days, where I’ve not known how to keep going. Where I’ve had to remind myself that I am loved & need to survive this, because my family don’t need to go through more heartbreak, but at the same time feeling useless & unable to do what my body “should” be able to do. To not feel worthy of Steve’s love & angry at the world for making us go through this. Still now, there are days when the darkness is overwhelming.

But we are both still here and are so grateful to have each other. The only positives we have found from all of this, is the increased love & strength that we have for each other and the incredible support & love that we have received from our friends and family. Without this, I honestly cannot say that I would be here today.

Due to our experiences over the last 3 years, and the fact that there is no explanation as to why any of our pregnancies have failed; we made the decision recently to explore the option of surrogacy.

We are very lucky to be in a position where we have been offered a choice of surrogates, by people who are very close to us.

We have had appointments with The Agora clinic (a well known, local clinic) and found that the costs for surrogacy are around £15,500. This isn’t the kind of money that we have lying around or can save quickly enough to be able to start this journey soon. However, along with family donations & our own savings, we have been able to (just about) come up with the funds.

However, we have more recently had an appointment with a recommended solicitor, who specialises in surrogacy. Despite us being able to use my eggs & Steve’s soldiers; there is a lot that needs to be done, before and after the baby is born, to ensure that the courts will allow us to be the legal parents of the child. It’s a lengthy, emotional process, but one that is necessary to be able to legally call our child our own. The estimated costs for the solicitors is around £8k to £12k.

This is a lot of money to us, especially on top of the surrogacy costs. We have discussed at length having to give up, but we don't want to, as we both know how much that we need to be parents. And, whilst some may think that the last few years would have changed our minds; holding our babies in our arms; seeing their tiny features and wondering, when they grow up, what the colour of their hair would be and who’s nose, chin, height, eyes and even eyebrow(s)! they would have; made our desire even stronger.

Due to this, we have decided that we have to put our pride aside & start a fundraiser to try and help us to raise as much money as possible to cover these mounting costs.

We know that there is no guarantee of the outcome & understand that it’s a lot to ask of people, especially in the current climate, which is why we wanted to be able to give something back in the way of our fundraising event.

We know that we can give a child an incredibly safe and loving home and hope that people will be able to support and help us on our next step to becoming parents ♥️

Anything you can spare would be greatly appreciated.

Laura and Steve xxx