Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

Mind is a charity that's become very close to my heart over the last year. Although I haven't received help from them, I want to do all I can for them. This is just the beginning and this is my story...

I was always your typical mans man "Pull your socks kid! Your fine!" That's how I lived. No problem to big, no issue that couldn't be solved. Its right or wrong, black or white, there was nothing I couldn't deal with.

That changed and I didn't even notice.

I went through a awful break up. Something we all go through at some point in out lives, a normal everyday situation. After finding out my girlfriend had been cheating on me I had to live with her for 10 months because she wouldn't sign to release me from the house contract we shared. I loved her with all I was, and part of me always will and that's why I fought so hard to keep us alive, sadly that wasn't a two way street.

I had 10 months of lies, tricks and games. I turned down 4 jobs because I couldn't afford to move and run two house, and because she made me think if i stayed we'd get back together. We didnt. I was trapped in 1 room in the house. My bedroom. I tried to watch T.V downastairs once and had her screaming at me that I was mentally torturing her because of it, so I never tried again.

Don't get me wrong I was no saint the whole time, I screamed, I shouted and I'm not proud of it. But she still needed someone and I will  always do what I can for someone in need, even when that someone is crying on my shoulder over someone else.

On top of this my work load was increasing at a rate I cant explain. I cant tell you what I do as job just that I'm an engineer. I started to do the work load of 5 peoples. It ended up I was working 24/7 the pressure building, the stress rising and it took its toll.

It got to the point I was sleeping 1 maybe 2 nights a week, at work I would hide in the toilet cubicles because I couldn't function or think and I held it together so no one knew what was going on for those 10 months.

Then it changed. I hit rock bottom and in Febuary 2013 I made an attempt on my life. And while out one day for a friends birthday I looked around at my friends and didn't no a single one of them, they felt like strangers to me. That week I was signed off work with stress, anxiety disorder and panic attacks. ME! The mans man!

I turned down medication because I didn't believe in it, I was stronger than this I can fix this! I couldn't. I started drinking to take the edge off, I was to scared to leave the house some days, my panic attacks lasted hours not minuets. I knew this was wrong and asked to be medicated. I'm glad I did, because it allowed me to sleep. And sleep I did! 20 hours a day for 7 days, it was needed.

2 months I was off work, even after I returned it took a further 3 months for me to feel like myself, and ill admit I'm not 100% the old me now. Most days I'm lucky if I'm 80% but that's better than nothing. I decided to stop my medication because I was, and always will be a fighter. I'll never give in even with that bit of me missing inside.

And now we are here, I'm running a marathon (OH CRAP!) yeah its scary, I'm running the marathon because I often made the statement "I wish I'd lost a leg or arm so I at least look ill" I don't want a single person to think like that again, if I manage to just affect change for one person, that will be enough and will have made it all worth it.

People don't think ill finish the race, they think I'm stupid and there are easier ways. I believe if its for charity then its meant to be hard, its meant to hurt, and your meant to earn every penny your given. If I have to pull myself over the finish line by my teeth, I will finish that race!

I WILL NOT BE BEATEN! & MIND, I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN!