Your country needs you! (imagine slightly dodgy looking old bloke pointing finger at you). Actually I'm the dodgy old guy (so it's even more threatening than you first thought!), and your country doesn't need you, but I do. It'll all make sense in a minute, I promise. I've apparently gone insane (see, it's making sense already), and I have decided to undertake sponsored physical exercise to raise funds for the battle against prostate cancer.

People who know me will appreciate the insanity! As a former subscriber to the 'limited heartbeat' theory (which states we are all allocated a specific individual number of heartbeats when we are born - irrespective of anything we do) I believed avoiding physical exercise was not only prudent - it was essential to my survival! When I was given a gift of a very large coffee mug with 'couch potato' written around the rim I saw this as a badge of honour (as well as something I could dunk really BIG biscuits in - you could almost fit shortbread fingers in sideways!). Regrettably these chickens came home to roost years ago, and I'm now living with the consequences of too much coffee, and being fat and unfit - although to be fair to me I have outlasted the chickens (they were lovely roasted with sage and onion stuffing, and a touch of gravy!). 

Despite the temporary insanity I'm not completely IG11 (the postcode for 'Barking'). For example no one is going to shove my wobbly bulk into tight neon green spandex and put a sweatband on my head! At least, not unless they're immensely strong (they'll need to be) or a stunningly attractive young woman - in which case like all middle aged men my judgement immediately packs it's bags, puts on its sunglasses and jets off to the Bahamas, leaving the grey saggy and pathetic individual that is the real me caste adrift to humiliate myself in a wildly stupid attempt to impress the said young lady! Not that this has ever happened, you understand! I just have a very vivid imagination. Damn you, you Goddess Julie! (sob)

But I digress. My argument is made. Not only will you be sponsoring a worthy cause by supporting the fight against prostate cancer, but you'll also be helping an unhealthy and possibly mentally unstable person realise the error of their ways and get some sorely needed physical exercise into the bargain. Two  for the price of one! How could you resist? Unless you're Julie (sob).