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Less than 24 hours from now we’ll hopefully have heroically run 13.1 miles, pushed our athletic bodies to their full potential, and earned our sponsorship money. In addition, we’ll no doubt have undone much of the good work by drinking ourselves into a stupor in the cider pub, and gorging ourselves on Chinese food.

Captain Claire will be able to relax having skilfully guided her team through four gruelling months of sporting challenge and achievement, and kept the Sunday roast club shananigans out of the media headlines. Amanda, who has been the most professional in terms of alcohol abstinence during the training, will have enjoyed a few hard earned vodka and diet cokes and will be even more chilled out than she was during her ketamine days as a young foal, if recent reports are to be believed. Morg and Alex will be intoxicated by the newness of their love, alcohol will be unimportant to them…don’t be daft, they’ll be s**t-faced too. Ian will have gone home almost immediately after the run, but it’s probable that his twin brother Dave will have joined the party (unless of course his mates are going up Legs 11 again). Axelle will be steering well clear of the uncouth Dave if he does show up, but make no mistake there will be no French etiquette on display by the time she gets to Mr. Kan.

But what of Rudge you may ask? We’ve heard so much from him about his team-mates, and yet so little about what makes the squad’s shock last minute signing tick. Rudge has always been a keen sportsman, when he wasn’t captaining the school football team to victory, he’d be swinging his club, commanding the crease, or working on his breaststroke. In fact, if he hadn’t been so distracted he could have gone pro! His passion though was always disco dancing. Known for his dazzling moves and the shiniest shoes in town, Rudge won award after award until one tragic night in the summer of ’89. After wowing the crowds at the local police-run disco, he was talent-spotted by a Frenchman named Pierre Les-Oignons who promised him the opportunity to tour Europe in a bid to become junior disco champion. Sadly, Pierre was really boring and stank of onions, which made the long journey to Paris unbearable. Sadder still was the fact that Les-Oignons had no intention of allowing the young Rudge to fulfil his dreams, but instead kept him locked in a small room with a man named Claudette, fed him on snails, and only allowed him out at night to perform the Can-Can at the Moulin Rouge! Some say he is still scarred by the experience to this very day…  

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